My husband is gone again for a few days to California for work again. This time is very different than the other trips. Normally we text and call each other often and I don't feel like he is any further away than work. This time I have only been able to text him for about 5 mins in the morning and was able to talk to him for literally 1 minute last night bc he had to go. Going all this time is making me feel very alone. I have not felt this feeling for a very long time and it makes my mind go all over the place.
One of the worst thoughts that I have has been: Is God preparing me to be alone with my kids without my husband? Is something going to happen to him and he won't be around anymore? I like to think I am prepared for this as I have thought it through many times in my head as I try to fall asleep at night. I honestly don't know that I will ever be prepared for something so tragic.
Of course another thought that runs though my brain is what if he is separating himself bc he leaving? ugh sooo many things your mind can tell you that aren't even true.
So all day I feel this emptiness inside and I don't know what to do. I almost feel lost like I dont' know who I am or what to do next. I am Darren's wife and I take care of our kids and I talk to him all the time throughout my day. I don't know how to not be or do those things. I feel like if I figure out how to do these things without him, will I still need him? I dont' want to be so independent that I don't need my husband.
Sometimes I wish my brain would just stop for a while a take a break.
