This month I will be turning 30. I'm excited because it is fun to celebrate birthdays and really for me, I dont' really care about the number. It's just a number for me and it doesn't mean I am old or young. I'm still me.
I really feel that you are only as old as you feel. I still feel 18 so I think I will stick with that number.
Many people stress over this birthday and I guess because I don't feel my age that it doesn't affect me in the same way.
So, for this birthday, I will celebrate like I always do and always will. With my friends and family by my side, I will be who God wants me to be!!!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
oh.... oh..... oh!!!
oh how the time flys when you are busy!! Here we are in November and it's almost Thanksgiving! Where does the time go?
You go through life as a child and ppl tell you that time will go by faster when you get older. At that point, you really have no idea what they are talking about and you go on with your life.
Now that I am older, it makes me sad because time really does go by faster when you are older.
My only explanation is that once you become an adult, you have responsibilities that you didn't have when you were younger and if you have kids, well that's pretty much your life. You dont' get the time to lay in the grass for hours and then run around like a crazy kid. You usually will always have something to do and only get small breaks at a time.
Oh to be a kid again and live for having fun!! I hope to get back to that one day once the kids are over all the baby stages and I don't have to do as much for them anymore. Then they will probably just think I'm crazy!! hehe
You go through life as a child and ppl tell you that time will go by faster when you get older. At that point, you really have no idea what they are talking about and you go on with your life.
Now that I am older, it makes me sad because time really does go by faster when you are older.
My only explanation is that once you become an adult, you have responsibilities that you didn't have when you were younger and if you have kids, well that's pretty much your life. You dont' get the time to lay in the grass for hours and then run around like a crazy kid. You usually will always have something to do and only get small breaks at a time.
Oh to be a kid again and live for having fun!! I hope to get back to that one day once the kids are over all the baby stages and I don't have to do as much for them anymore. Then they will probably just think I'm crazy!! hehe
Friday, October 21, 2011
Private school vs Public school
I grew up going to public schools my whole life. We had been moved around a lot when we were younger and so I had attended 11 different public school from Kindergarten to 12th grade. I have experienced MANY public school in my short life time!
I had never been to a private school or knew much about them but right now you can find my kids in a private Christian school.
When Brant was 3 1/2 we decided to put him in a preschool. I had just put him where my friend had her son bc I trusted her judgement. After a few weeks his teacher resigned and he got a new one. He didn't really understand what was happening but we did our best. So I had helped in the class one day with the new teacher and realized that everything we did at home was what he was doing at school. I thought, I'm paying for this and we already do all this! So I had talked to the director and told her my concerns. Things started to change not to long after that which was nice bc I had noticed they were doing things that I wouldn't think to do and he was learning new things.
This was the turning point for me with my kids and their education! I had told my husband that we wouldn't put our kids in the public schools in this town because I had attended them and spend my first year afraid for my life! I was not doing to make my kids go through that!
From this point on I had started looking into other schools and we already had him on the list for the charter school. One day we decided to take a tour of the private christian school here in our town. Just mostly for information and to see what it was like. We left the school completely in awe and decided that we wanted our kids to go there. We knew that we couldn't afford it bc you have to pay tuition but knew that if God wanted our kids there, he would provide!
So we enrolled him and low and behold, God provided exactly what we needed each month.
During our first year we had some challenges to get through. I was a sobbing mess sending my son to Pre-K for the first time and he was a super shy little boy who wouldn't participate in things. I helped in his class one day and had to escort my son back to his class because he wouldn't participate. It was a heart breaking moment for me as a mom. But through this I was able to see how patient the teachers were and how they were offering to work with me to encourage him and help him to grow.
So that year went by and he then moved on to Kindergarten. I again was a sobbing mess, sad to leave my child in Kindergarten. But the teacher was again, patient, and understanding and helped to encourage Brant and I along the way.
Next comes 1st grade where I was worse than a sobbing mess. I cried for 3 hours after dropping him off bc this was the first time I was doing to go all day without seeing him. This was my baby boy who was growing up! I have had lunch with him every day for the past 6 years and now I couldn't do that anymore. I was told to hug and let go in the hallway. That was VERY hard for me. I thankfully by God had been given wonderful moms from the class that I had been able to get to know the past years who helped me and hugged me during this process. I am much better now and actually look forward to my days with less kids hehe.
This year we also had the joy of experiencing our son being sent to the principals office because he didn't like that the teacher had moved the desks and didn't want to sit by the girls. It was a HUGE thing! The staff at school including his teacher and the principal were very loving and understanding. They talked with him, prayed with him and talked about scripture and what God says about obeying and disobeying. They talked with us and we all agreed and were on the same page. That was a wonderful thing.
All the things that we have gone through have been rough but a huge blessing from God. He has taught us many things and have helped us to grow in many ways.
I know that if Brant were in a public school, he probably would have been sent to the office, given detention, and basically pushed to the side. He is shy and that doesn't work well in public schools.
So in my heart, I know that no matter how much money we spend on the private Christian education, it is worth every penny! I truly don't see the money part at all in my head. I see the love, the prayer, the everyday encouragement that my kids get from the people in the school. The teachers who work with the kids and they love they show every day to each and every child in the class makes any amount of money in the world worth paying for my children to be in this type of a school!
So unless God has another plan, we will choose private Christian school over public school any day!
I had never been to a private school or knew much about them but right now you can find my kids in a private Christian school.
When Brant was 3 1/2 we decided to put him in a preschool. I had just put him where my friend had her son bc I trusted her judgement. After a few weeks his teacher resigned and he got a new one. He didn't really understand what was happening but we did our best. So I had helped in the class one day with the new teacher and realized that everything we did at home was what he was doing at school. I thought, I'm paying for this and we already do all this! So I had talked to the director and told her my concerns. Things started to change not to long after that which was nice bc I had noticed they were doing things that I wouldn't think to do and he was learning new things.
This was the turning point for me with my kids and their education! I had told my husband that we wouldn't put our kids in the public schools in this town because I had attended them and spend my first year afraid for my life! I was not doing to make my kids go through that!
From this point on I had started looking into other schools and we already had him on the list for the charter school. One day we decided to take a tour of the private christian school here in our town. Just mostly for information and to see what it was like. We left the school completely in awe and decided that we wanted our kids to go there. We knew that we couldn't afford it bc you have to pay tuition but knew that if God wanted our kids there, he would provide!
So we enrolled him and low and behold, God provided exactly what we needed each month.
During our first year we had some challenges to get through. I was a sobbing mess sending my son to Pre-K for the first time and he was a super shy little boy who wouldn't participate in things. I helped in his class one day and had to escort my son back to his class because he wouldn't participate. It was a heart breaking moment for me as a mom. But through this I was able to see how patient the teachers were and how they were offering to work with me to encourage him and help him to grow.
So that year went by and he then moved on to Kindergarten. I again was a sobbing mess, sad to leave my child in Kindergarten. But the teacher was again, patient, and understanding and helped to encourage Brant and I along the way.
Next comes 1st grade where I was worse than a sobbing mess. I cried for 3 hours after dropping him off bc this was the first time I was doing to go all day without seeing him. This was my baby boy who was growing up! I have had lunch with him every day for the past 6 years and now I couldn't do that anymore. I was told to hug and let go in the hallway. That was VERY hard for me. I thankfully by God had been given wonderful moms from the class that I had been able to get to know the past years who helped me and hugged me during this process. I am much better now and actually look forward to my days with less kids hehe.
This year we also had the joy of experiencing our son being sent to the principals office because he didn't like that the teacher had moved the desks and didn't want to sit by the girls. It was a HUGE thing! The staff at school including his teacher and the principal were very loving and understanding. They talked with him, prayed with him and talked about scripture and what God says about obeying and disobeying. They talked with us and we all agreed and were on the same page. That was a wonderful thing.
All the things that we have gone through have been rough but a huge blessing from God. He has taught us many things and have helped us to grow in many ways.
I know that if Brant were in a public school, he probably would have been sent to the office, given detention, and basically pushed to the side. He is shy and that doesn't work well in public schools.
So in my heart, I know that no matter how much money we spend on the private Christian education, it is worth every penny! I truly don't see the money part at all in my head. I see the love, the prayer, the everyday encouragement that my kids get from the people in the school. The teachers who work with the kids and they love they show every day to each and every child in the class makes any amount of money in the world worth paying for my children to be in this type of a school!
So unless God has another plan, we will choose private Christian school over public school any day!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Couponing
So I took a class last month on couponing and it sounds like a great idea. However, I am a visual learner and so I have found no motivation to do any of what I was told bc I didn't see it first hand. I know it works bc many ppl do it but to not see it myself makes it hard for me to find a starting point.
I feel like the best thing to do would be to just give them to my sister which is what I have decided to do. And then you have a day like today when I read other ppls blogs about couponing and then I get excited and want to try it.
One problem I have is that I am not patient. I don't want to wait 6 months to get my stock of coupons to start seeing the savings. I want to start seeing the savings right when I start.
This is pretty much how I would like all things to be! I want something to work the first time!!! With no waiting!
Alas I do know that this never happens and will prob never happen but one could only hope!
So I will continue to wait for the savings to come to me unless someone feels like being by my side every step of the way!! hehe Any takers???
I feel like the best thing to do would be to just give them to my sister which is what I have decided to do. And then you have a day like today when I read other ppls blogs about couponing and then I get excited and want to try it.
One problem I have is that I am not patient. I don't want to wait 6 months to get my stock of coupons to start seeing the savings. I want to start seeing the savings right when I start.
This is pretty much how I would like all things to be! I want something to work the first time!!! With no waiting!
Alas I do know that this never happens and will prob never happen but one could only hope!
So I will continue to wait for the savings to come to me unless someone feels like being by my side every step of the way!! hehe Any takers???
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Missing a piece of my heart
Today has been a rough for me. I have been missing a piece of my heart. That piece belongs to my cousin Jamie. She left back in July on a very big mission trip. It's called the World Race and she will be gone for 11 months and she be serving in 11 different countries.
I have been fine since she left and it hasn't really felt like she was gone. I still get to talk to her sometimes on facebook and have skyped her once. But today has been different. I have cried alot today and still do every time I think about her.
I know she is doing amazing things for people who really need it and I know that she is where she wants to be. Her heart is God's and she will serve him every day of her life. She is a wonderful person and think of her as the little sister I never had.
She is my concert partner and we go to all the concerts together. When she left I had to find a back up from her and so then I was super excited. But now my back up is leaving the country and have to find a back up for my back up. I am going to a new concert next month and I think this is making me miss Jamie even more.
I know God will heal my heart bc he will fill the void but for right now until she comes back. I love and miss her very much!
I have been fine since she left and it hasn't really felt like she was gone. I still get to talk to her sometimes on facebook and have skyped her once. But today has been different. I have cried alot today and still do every time I think about her.
I know she is doing amazing things for people who really need it and I know that she is where she wants to be. Her heart is God's and she will serve him every day of her life. She is a wonderful person and think of her as the little sister I never had.
She is my concert partner and we go to all the concerts together. When she left I had to find a back up from her and so then I was super excited. But now my back up is leaving the country and have to find a back up for my back up. I am going to a new concert next month and I think this is making me miss Jamie even more.
I know God will heal my heart bc he will fill the void but for right now until she comes back. I love and miss her very much!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Tudes!!
Oh the joys of motherhood!
These past few weeks I have struggled with my son and his newly found attitude! He has always been pretty easy going and listens for the most part. I say most part because he is a male and well that should say enough right there! Anyway, the past few weeks I think he is trying to find himself and in return, is making me go crazy!
My husband has been working long hard hours at work so we havent' seen him much and I wonder if maybe that is part of it. I also think it might be some of the kids at school that he is turning into. However, I don't many of them yet so not sure I can go with this one as of now.
My future is now going to look like a mom frantically searching for answers and how I can help him to grow and find who he is but also not loose my mine and hair at the same time. This too shall pass is something that comes to mind with this stage but lets just say, it doesn't give me any comfort yet!
I love to read so there are a few books I am going to look into to get some ideas on these issues and see what I can come up with and hope to save my sanity. If not, I will be booking a weekend away to get some quiet!
These past few weeks I have struggled with my son and his newly found attitude! He has always been pretty easy going and listens for the most part. I say most part because he is a male and well that should say enough right there! Anyway, the past few weeks I think he is trying to find himself and in return, is making me go crazy!
My husband has been working long hard hours at work so we havent' seen him much and I wonder if maybe that is part of it. I also think it might be some of the kids at school that he is turning into. However, I don't many of them yet so not sure I can go with this one as of now.
My future is now going to look like a mom frantically searching for answers and how I can help him to grow and find who he is but also not loose my mine and hair at the same time. This too shall pass is something that comes to mind with this stage but lets just say, it doesn't give me any comfort yet!
I love to read so there are a few books I am going to look into to get some ideas on these issues and see what I can come up with and hope to save my sanity. If not, I will be booking a weekend away to get some quiet!
Friday, October 7, 2011
Debt Free!!!!
So for the past four or five years we have been working on becoming debt free. We follow God's word and he tells us to not owe money to anyone and so that is our goal. We want to be able to use the money that God gives us every day for what he wants it to go to since it IS His!
We recently paid off our credit cards which took us exactly 4 years. It was one of the hardest things we have ever done when we started this process! We consolidated our credit cards with a Christian company and worked with them to pay then off. We had to trust them or rather trust God to provide for us sinc we would no longer have our credit cards to fall back on. I have never been so scared in my life! But God is AMAZING!!! He provided for us every step of the way. He also provided many times where he wanted to make sure we trusted him completely!
Here we are 4 years later and the credit cards have been paid off! Again, God is AMAZING!!! We have now have it down to our house, 2 vehicle loans and a fridge that we have to pay off!
It's sooo close I can feel it! I can't imagine what God has in store for us in the next few years but it will be an adventure for sure!
We recently paid off our credit cards which took us exactly 4 years. It was one of the hardest things we have ever done when we started this process! We consolidated our credit cards with a Christian company and worked with them to pay then off. We had to trust them or rather trust God to provide for us sinc we would no longer have our credit cards to fall back on. I have never been so scared in my life! But God is AMAZING!!! He provided for us every step of the way. He also provided many times where he wanted to make sure we trusted him completely!
Here we are 4 years later and the credit cards have been paid off! Again, God is AMAZING!!! We have now have it down to our house, 2 vehicle loans and a fridge that we have to pay off!
It's sooo close I can feel it! I can't imagine what God has in store for us in the next few years but it will be an adventure for sure!
Work
So things have gotten pretty busy with the bakery that I will be working at or have been working for. The bakery itself isn't open yet so things are crazy with driving to and from different places and stuff being stored all over the place.
I have worked about 27 hours in the past week. It doesn't sound like much when you think about someone who works 40 hours a week. However, for me who is used to being at home for the past 6 years just doing wife and mommy work, it's a lot of work for one week.
I am looking forward to things getting on a schedule so I can see what my life is gonna be like and if I can handle it. I am very much looking forward to the extra money to help pay things off. We are soo close to being debt free and this job will make it that much closer.
So within the next week we should be open and working in the bakery. Life is going to be crazy at first but I think we can handle it! We are tough and have God on our side! He doesn't let you stay comfortable for too long bc that's not how he works.
Gotta love Him!!!
I have worked about 27 hours in the past week. It doesn't sound like much when you think about someone who works 40 hours a week. However, for me who is used to being at home for the past 6 years just doing wife and mommy work, it's a lot of work for one week.
I am looking forward to things getting on a schedule so I can see what my life is gonna be like and if I can handle it. I am very much looking forward to the extra money to help pay things off. We are soo close to being debt free and this job will make it that much closer.
So within the next week we should be open and working in the bakery. Life is going to be crazy at first but I think we can handle it! We are tough and have God on our side! He doesn't let you stay comfortable for too long bc that's not how he works.
Gotta love Him!!!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Looking back
As a mom, days can be trying and days can be AMAZING!!! As I look back at my time as a mother, I know I could have done a lot of things better. As I look at my time as a wife, I know I could have done better also. But I can change that at any time and all I need is God. He is my strength and my guide. He is my father and creator. I can do anything through him who gives me strength.
I was reading some blogs last night and found two that talked about Psalm 31. So I picked up my bible and decided to read it. WOW!!! This is a big wake up call for me. I have a lot to work on as a wife, mother and most of all a child of God. But I know God has something to teach me through all this and I'm very excited to see what it is. After reading it twice, once to myself and once out loud to Darren, I think I actually love this passage from the bible. What a great goal to have for yourself, to be a woman that God wants you to be.
It means a lot of different things to me. I read it and think, ummm yea like I am ever gonna do those things , and ummmm probably not!! But as I think about this verse all day, I know I could do those things if I try. Of course some of those things are not really things I can do where I live and will prob never do but the idea of it is what interests me.
I think about my job as a mother and think of things I can do different in the future. I know I need to put them before many other things in my life and that is gonna take some work. I'm gonna have to have it at the front of my mind always reminding myself that my kids are only little once and I need to embrace that.
I love to look at my kids when they dont' know it and watch them. The things they do and the things they say. It's one of the many joys in my life and I thank God often for them.
Right now I am planning on writing a letter to each of my kids to put in their baby books to let them know how much they mean to me now and always.
I think this passage in the bible is going to make a big difference in my life and the journey may be hard but the outcome will be glorious just as our Father is.
I was reading some blogs last night and found two that talked about Psalm 31. So I picked up my bible and decided to read it. WOW!!! This is a big wake up call for me. I have a lot to work on as a wife, mother and most of all a child of God. But I know God has something to teach me through all this and I'm very excited to see what it is. After reading it twice, once to myself and once out loud to Darren, I think I actually love this passage from the bible. What a great goal to have for yourself, to be a woman that God wants you to be.
It means a lot of different things to me. I read it and think, ummm yea like I am ever gonna do those things , and ummmm probably not!! But as I think about this verse all day, I know I could do those things if I try. Of course some of those things are not really things I can do where I live and will prob never do but the idea of it is what interests me.
I think about my job as a mother and think of things I can do different in the future. I know I need to put them before many other things in my life and that is gonna take some work. I'm gonna have to have it at the front of my mind always reminding myself that my kids are only little once and I need to embrace that.
I love to look at my kids when they dont' know it and watch them. The things they do and the things they say. It's one of the many joys in my life and I thank God often for them.
Right now I am planning on writing a letter to each of my kids to put in their baby books to let them know how much they mean to me now and always.
I think this passage in the bible is going to make a big difference in my life and the journey may be hard but the outcome will be glorious just as our Father is.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Bucket List
I often hear people talk about bucket lists and I have thought about doing one for myself. I dont' think I would look at it as things I want to do before I die though, I would use it more as things I would love to experience in my lifetime. More of an adventure list or a growing list.
The things on this list should be things that will still help me to be me but help me to be a more rounded me. I want each thing on my list to be something that will help me to see more of God and his beauty but I also don't want them to be selfish things. I also want them to be things that allow me to share God and his love to other people.
Some things I would like to put on my list would be:
-skiing for the first time
-volunteer at a soup kitchen
-make a big donation to a ministry
-purchase a well for a village
-give my house to a homeless family
-go to a Nascar race
Some things I guess are selfish but I like to think of those things as the well rounded stuff. I know my heart is def for God but knowing how to make my life go and work in that direction is the hardest part. One day God will be me there if it's His will.
The things on this list should be things that will still help me to be me but help me to be a more rounded me. I want each thing on my list to be something that will help me to see more of God and his beauty but I also don't want them to be selfish things. I also want them to be things that allow me to share God and his love to other people.
Some things I would like to put on my list would be:
-skiing for the first time
-volunteer at a soup kitchen
-make a big donation to a ministry
-purchase a well for a village
-give my house to a homeless family
-go to a Nascar race
Some things I guess are selfish but I like to think of those things as the well rounded stuff. I know my heart is def for God but knowing how to make my life go and work in that direction is the hardest part. One day God will be me there if it's His will.
Year of New
So as I sit and think about the past few months or even the past year, I realize that this year has been a year of new things. New things I have learned on my own, new things we have learned as a family, new roads traveled lead by God and sooo many new experiences.
The other day a lady had asked me how school was going and my answer was, we are all learning and growing through these experiences. It has been an interesting year to say the least and it has only been 1 month since the start. Darren and I have learned to stick together with school issues and be a parenting team and that is very important for our kids to see. Brant has learned his own lessons through his actions and I hope that it will make him stronger one day. Ashley is an experience of her own and that's all I can say about her hehe.
One big thing we did this year was leave our church and find a new one and that has been a journey. I do love out new church and sometimes I want to go back to our old one but for now this is where God has us. I know He has a plan and we will continue to listen and move with His will.
I know soo many more new things will come our way with 3 to 4 months left in the year. I know we are going to grow and be filled with joy and I wouldn't want it any other way.
The other day a lady had asked me how school was going and my answer was, we are all learning and growing through these experiences. It has been an interesting year to say the least and it has only been 1 month since the start. Darren and I have learned to stick together with school issues and be a parenting team and that is very important for our kids to see. Brant has learned his own lessons through his actions and I hope that it will make him stronger one day. Ashley is an experience of her own and that's all I can say about her hehe.
One big thing we did this year was leave our church and find a new one and that has been a journey. I do love out new church and sometimes I want to go back to our old one but for now this is where God has us. I know He has a plan and we will continue to listen and move with His will.
I know soo many more new things will come our way with 3 to 4 months left in the year. I know we are going to grow and be filled with joy and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
1st Grade
So today was my son's first day of 1st Grade. Let me just say, I have been dreading this day since the last day of Kindergarten! I knew it was gonna be hard and it was def that!!!
I started the morning being happy and excited so he would wake up excited and made a super yummy breakfast. Then we get all our stuff and head to school! I get to his school and get to help him with his first project. I help him and then give him a big hug and here come the water works. Now I mean seriously crying!
I don't know why this is soo hard for me. I have my own reasons that may or may not be true but I like to think they are so that I have an answer hehe. One big reason is that I have eaten lunch with my son for the past 6 years almost every day and now I won't get that anymore. He has always been my little buddy and now he is in school for over 7 hours each day. It breaks my heart very much!
I know I have been excited about this day too bc I will finally be able to have a bit of freedom but right now until I am used to things, I will take brant over my freedom!!!
I started the morning being happy and excited so he would wake up excited and made a super yummy breakfast. Then we get all our stuff and head to school! I get to his school and get to help him with his first project. I help him and then give him a big hug and here come the water works. Now I mean seriously crying!
I don't know why this is soo hard for me. I have my own reasons that may or may not be true but I like to think they are so that I have an answer hehe. One big reason is that I have eaten lunch with my son for the past 6 years almost every day and now I won't get that anymore. He has always been my little buddy and now he is in school for over 7 hours each day. It breaks my heart very much!
I know I have been excited about this day too bc I will finally be able to have a bit of freedom but right now until I am used to things, I will take brant over my freedom!!!
Forgot!
So somehow I totally forgot I had a blog for a while there! You say, how is that possible? Well lets just say that I have been so busy this summer that I didn't really have time to sit and write.
But now I am back so watch out!!!
But now I am back so watch out!!!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Still Reading......
Well today I finished another book. This book makes 4 read out of 12 that I had set as my goal.
I love when you get one of those books that you just can't put down. The one I just finished I read in 3 days. It was almost 400 pages and I just couldn't put it down. I am very sad that it was the last of it's series and hope to find more like it to read.
I am learning that I am a very picky reader. I love when friends recommend books to me but I very rarely can read them. I will read the back and see if it interests me and then I will start to read a few pages. I need the book to catch my attention in the first few pages or I am done.
I never did well in my literature class for this reason. They wanted me to read books about football and I hate football! They always had boring books to read and so I cheated my way through that class sadly!
However, when you can read whenever and whatever, it makes a huge difference! I love to read and love to find a new books. I will keep searching for new ones and hope I can keep finding the ones that you just can't put down.
I love when you get one of those books that you just can't put down. The one I just finished I read in 3 days. It was almost 400 pages and I just couldn't put it down. I am very sad that it was the last of it's series and hope to find more like it to read.
I am learning that I am a very picky reader. I love when friends recommend books to me but I very rarely can read them. I will read the back and see if it interests me and then I will start to read a few pages. I need the book to catch my attention in the first few pages or I am done.
I never did well in my literature class for this reason. They wanted me to read books about football and I hate football! They always had boring books to read and so I cheated my way through that class sadly!
However, when you can read whenever and whatever, it makes a huge difference! I love to read and love to find a new books. I will keep searching for new ones and hope I can keep finding the ones that you just can't put down.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Church
Today started out as a normal day going to church. We go and drop off the kids and then go sing and worship God, sit and listen to the sermon and then sing more. We then go and get our kids and go home.
Well today went a bit different. After the end of service, we stayed and enjoyed some of the yummy pastries they had and I couldn't find Darren. He was over talking to the pastor. It was very strange because at the beginning of checking out this church he wasn't super excited to go. So I see him talking to the pastor and then over to the band people and he talked to them for a while.
So on our way home I asked about him talking to the people and he said that if he is gonna go to this church he needs to get to know the people who go there. That was interesting because it's becoming a side i haven't seen in him. So then he was telling me that he really likes the church and he loves the music and loves the pastor. He said that everything he hears has meaning to him and he often feels like he may cry while singing. He said he has realized that he is a different person when we dont' go to church and he doesn't like the person he becomes during that time.
This is a huge step! I never thought I would hear any of these words come from him ever.
It has been a great day at church and can't wait to go again and watch as God is growing my wonderful husband!
Well today went a bit different. After the end of service, we stayed and enjoyed some of the yummy pastries they had and I couldn't find Darren. He was over talking to the pastor. It was very strange because at the beginning of checking out this church he wasn't super excited to go. So I see him talking to the pastor and then over to the band people and he talked to them for a while.
So on our way home I asked about him talking to the people and he said that if he is gonna go to this church he needs to get to know the people who go there. That was interesting because it's becoming a side i haven't seen in him. So then he was telling me that he really likes the church and he loves the music and loves the pastor. He said that everything he hears has meaning to him and he often feels like he may cry while singing. He said he has realized that he is a different person when we dont' go to church and he doesn't like the person he becomes during that time.
This is a huge step! I never thought I would hear any of these words come from him ever.
It has been a great day at church and can't wait to go again and watch as God is growing my wonderful husband!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
End of June
So here we are coming to the end of June. It was a very fun filled busy month!
I started the summer wanting to do more and spend more time with my kids. I think we did this very well. We have done swimming, parks, camping, riding bikes and spending time with family and friends! What more could you ask for in a summer right?
We have more to go as we start the next month of summer and will have much more fun!
As my kids are getting older I am learning to enjoy them more and wanting to make as many memories as I can with them. They grow up soo fast and I want them to grow up with all the fun summer memories that I did and have.
Can't wait to see what July has in store for us!
I started the summer wanting to do more and spend more time with my kids. I think we did this very well. We have done swimming, parks, camping, riding bikes and spending time with family and friends! What more could you ask for in a summer right?
We have more to go as we start the next month of summer and will have much more fun!
As my kids are getting older I am learning to enjoy them more and wanting to make as many memories as I can with them. They grow up soo fast and I want them to grow up with all the fun summer memories that I did and have.
Can't wait to see what July has in store for us!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Sand Dunes
This past weekend we took the kids down to the Sand Dunes. I hadn't been there since I was about 9 so it was different than I remembered!
For one, there were a TON OF PEOPLE!!! I remember there being few people. We were still able to enjoy our time there but just very different.
They def were as big as I remember but MUCH MUCH PRETTIER!!!! They were beautiful and they looked like big mounds of silky chocolate mousse! hehe I could look at them for hours!
One of the thoughts that kept going through my head was how in the world did all this sand get right in the middle of the mountains? God is AMAZING!! Such beauty! Such mystery! Def in AWE of God!
I recommend going there but not so much with little kids. We will go back one day but not until our kids are both done with naps and we dont' have to carry them on the hike.
For one, there were a TON OF PEOPLE!!! I remember there being few people. We were still able to enjoy our time there but just very different.
They def were as big as I remember but MUCH MUCH PRETTIER!!!! They were beautiful and they looked like big mounds of silky chocolate mousse! hehe I could look at them for hours!
One of the thoughts that kept going through my head was how in the world did all this sand get right in the middle of the mountains? God is AMAZING!! Such beauty! Such mystery! Def in AWE of God!
I recommend going there but not so much with little kids. We will go back one day but not until our kids are both done with naps and we dont' have to carry them on the hike.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
5K
Right now I am training to run a 5K and recently have been able to run 4 and 5 mins at a time. I haven't done this since elementry school! However, I have recently realized that I can run longer when I listen to specific songs on my ipod.
So tonight I am running and listening to the songs and singing! I realized that this is going to become very dangerous for me as I have found myself almost running off the treadmill because I get so focused into the song and dancing and singing that I forget I am running.
As I look this danger head on, I will continue to run and listen to this music because it makes it more fun and who knows, maybe you will all see a you tube video of me falling off the treadmill soon! hehe
Anyway, 5K, here I come!
So tonight I am running and listening to the songs and singing! I realized that this is going to become very dangerous for me as I have found myself almost running off the treadmill because I get so focused into the song and dancing and singing that I forget I am running.
As I look this danger head on, I will continue to run and listen to this music because it makes it more fun and who knows, maybe you will all see a you tube video of me falling off the treadmill soon! hehe
Anyway, 5K, here I come!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Camping
I love camping! I grew up camping and have stayed in a tent, camper, pop-up, and motor home. I love the whole experience of camping. I love that you get to be out of your comfort zone and you get to see God's beauty up close.
When I was younger my dad took us soo many places and I can't wait to show my kids everything that I have seen. It's also exciting to show my husband these places also because he is from Canada and he hasn't seen some of these places either.
Growing up we always went camping with my dad, with family, or with friends. I am in the process of planning a camping trip right now for me and my little family. It's become a very stressful even at as I dont' really know what I am doing. It's hard to plan a trip to a place that you went to when you were like 7 or 8 and that nobody else has been to recently.
I am very excited to go and to show my family this amazing place but until we get there, I'm gonna be pulling my hair out to make sure it all comes together.
When I was younger my dad took us soo many places and I can't wait to show my kids everything that I have seen. It's also exciting to show my husband these places also because he is from Canada and he hasn't seen some of these places either.
Growing up we always went camping with my dad, with family, or with friends. I am in the process of planning a camping trip right now for me and my little family. It's become a very stressful even at as I dont' really know what I am doing. It's hard to plan a trip to a place that you went to when you were like 7 or 8 and that nobody else has been to recently.
I am very excited to go and to show my family this amazing place but until we get there, I'm gonna be pulling my hair out to make sure it all comes together.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Joy to the Lord!
I enjoyed church this morning more than I have in a very long time! I left there feeling ready for my day and maybe even the week!
The songs we sang were great and I just wanted to belt the words out as loud as I could be was a bit worried what the people around me would think hehe. I'm not the best singer when in public but I do think I am fantastic in my truck!
The joy I feel when praising God is one of the best feelings ever! I can tell when I sing if I am singing to sing or if it's coming from my heart. I get goose bumps and I always get tears in my eyes. It's an amazing feeling.
I listen to the radio pretty much every day and all day long. I love to sing and I love that the radio station I listen to allows my kids to be able to listen at any time and they sing along with me.
I think that anytime I am in a down mood, I just need to sing. I like to sing from morning to night and dance around like a goof.
I think from now on, I am going to sing all the time to lift my spirits. I'm going to sing when I talk to my kids and maybe even my husband! Ok, I think this may be a little too far hehe
I hope that everyone one day gets to feel the joy I feel when singing!
The songs we sang were great and I just wanted to belt the words out as loud as I could be was a bit worried what the people around me would think hehe. I'm not the best singer when in public but I do think I am fantastic in my truck!
The joy I feel when praising God is one of the best feelings ever! I can tell when I sing if I am singing to sing or if it's coming from my heart. I get goose bumps and I always get tears in my eyes. It's an amazing feeling.
I listen to the radio pretty much every day and all day long. I love to sing and I love that the radio station I listen to allows my kids to be able to listen at any time and they sing along with me.
I think that anytime I am in a down mood, I just need to sing. I like to sing from morning to night and dance around like a goof.
I think from now on, I am going to sing all the time to lift my spirits. I'm going to sing when I talk to my kids and maybe even my husband! Ok, I think this may be a little too far hehe
I hope that everyone one day gets to feel the joy I feel when singing!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Just one of those days!
Do you ever have one of those days where you are just crabby and you don't know why? For me, that is today!
I find myself snapping at my kids over everything it's very annoying. Well the things that they are doing are normal things that they do every day and are told to stop so they aren't doing anything different.
I'm guessing I need more sleep. Maybe I am trying to pack too many things into a small amount of time. My mind doesn't ever stop anymore and for once I would like it to be quiet!
Today is a very blah day for me and I really hope I over come this funk before it gets worse!
Maybe I should run! hehe
I find myself snapping at my kids over everything it's very annoying. Well the things that they are doing are normal things that they do every day and are told to stop so they aren't doing anything different.
I'm guessing I need more sleep. Maybe I am trying to pack too many things into a small amount of time. My mind doesn't ever stop anymore and for once I would like it to be quiet!
Today is a very blah day for me and I really hope I over come this funk before it gets worse!
Maybe I should run! hehe
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
New Day!
It's strange how you can feel like nothing changes from day to day in life. I have noticed that each day I seem to wake up seeing a new day.
I don't know if this is because we finally found a new church and I feel like my life has purpose again or if it's something else.
I do know that I LOVE IT!!!
Seeing each day as a brand new day makes you look at every part of your life a new way.
Come to think about it, I have been reading this book that has kinda changed my way of thinking. I treat my kids different and I'm not yelling as much. It may also be that school is out and I'm no rushing around from morning till dark getting stuff done and keeping things organized.
I also started running and that could also be my stress outlet so then I have nothing to vent out.
Not sure but I am really enjoying.
I don't know if this is because we finally found a new church and I feel like my life has purpose again or if it's something else.
I do know that I LOVE IT!!!
Seeing each day as a brand new day makes you look at every part of your life a new way.
Come to think about it, I have been reading this book that has kinda changed my way of thinking. I treat my kids different and I'm not yelling as much. It may also be that school is out and I'm no rushing around from morning till dark getting stuff done and keeping things organized.
I also started running and that could also be my stress outlet so then I have nothing to vent out.
Not sure but I am really enjoying.
Friends of Seasons
It's interesting how you grow up learning to make friends and no matter what happens in your life, you still always are making friends.
I have spent the last 4 months pondering the meaning of friendship and what it means to me and how it fits into my life. I have come to the conclusion that you def CAN have too many friends. It is possible to always make friends but you only have soo much room in your life for lifetime friends.
Looking at my contacts on my phone, email, and facebook, I realize that I know alot of people. More than I ever thought I knew to be honest. As I look at each of these lists, I think about the relationship I have with each person and weather it's a real friendship or not. To my sadness and surprise, I don't have very many friendships that I can see lasting a lifetime. I'm ok with that though because it makes me feel less stressed.
When you have soo many people on your list you feel like you have to be in contact with each person at least once a week or even once a month. I honestly dont' have time for that. This may sound selfish and so be, it but I have a life, a family, and a father that I love and they will all be there weather I have friends or not so these are my priorities.
I have thought alot about the types of friendships I have and who I have trust with and who I have tried to have trust with. I thought about the friendships I have worked hard at and got nothing in return. I never intended to have a friendship where I expected anything but you at least hope for something on the other end.
All these things have made me come to the realization that friends come and go whether you want them to or not and there is nothing you can do. Just like seasons, things change and you do your spring cleaning and let some go.
I am to that point right now where I have worked very hard to build friendships with people and nothing! So just like seasons, I will move on and watch them go by. Happy to see them at the beginning of the season, and then happy to see them go at the end.
I have spent the last 4 months pondering the meaning of friendship and what it means to me and how it fits into my life. I have come to the conclusion that you def CAN have too many friends. It is possible to always make friends but you only have soo much room in your life for lifetime friends.
Looking at my contacts on my phone, email, and facebook, I realize that I know alot of people. More than I ever thought I knew to be honest. As I look at each of these lists, I think about the relationship I have with each person and weather it's a real friendship or not. To my sadness and surprise, I don't have very many friendships that I can see lasting a lifetime. I'm ok with that though because it makes me feel less stressed.
When you have soo many people on your list you feel like you have to be in contact with each person at least once a week or even once a month. I honestly dont' have time for that. This may sound selfish and so be, it but I have a life, a family, and a father that I love and they will all be there weather I have friends or not so these are my priorities.
I have thought alot about the types of friendships I have and who I have trust with and who I have tried to have trust with. I thought about the friendships I have worked hard at and got nothing in return. I never intended to have a friendship where I expected anything but you at least hope for something on the other end.
All these things have made me come to the realization that friends come and go whether you want them to or not and there is nothing you can do. Just like seasons, things change and you do your spring cleaning and let some go.
I am to that point right now where I have worked very hard to build friendships with people and nothing! So just like seasons, I will move on and watch them go by. Happy to see them at the beginning of the season, and then happy to see them go at the end.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Running
So this week I have started running on the treadmill. My friend asked me to run a 5K with her in October and so I said yes. But I have also decided to try and run one in July.
I'm not a runner to start with so this has taken a lot for me to finally start running. I LOVE to walk on the treadmill so it was sad to move on but I am really enjoying the running. I am only running for a minute at a time but it's still nice.
It's strange how great I feel while running and the feeling of knowing that I am running makes me feel good about myself.
The last time I ran was in 6th grade. So my goal is to be able to run a mile without walking. I am very excited to reach this goal and it all works with my overall goal is to become healthier.
So on I go and continue running for one minute at a time.
I'm not a runner to start with so this has taken a lot for me to finally start running. I LOVE to walk on the treadmill so it was sad to move on but I am really enjoying the running. I am only running for a minute at a time but it's still nice.
It's strange how great I feel while running and the feeling of knowing that I am running makes me feel good about myself.
The last time I ran was in 6th grade. So my goal is to be able to run a mile without walking. I am very excited to reach this goal and it all works with my overall goal is to become healthier.
So on I go and continue running for one minute at a time.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Adventures in Potty Training
So I have been needing to start potty training my daughter for some time now but I am really just lazy and don't want to do it!
I had decided to wait till she was 3 and then after that I changed it and decided to wait till my son was out of school because then I could stay home and focus on her. This idea has been AWESOME!!! (Thanks Becca)
So we started last week and had a set back because the pull ups we use for nap, it turns out she is allergic to them so we needed to wait till that went away. So we started back up on Monday and she had one accident the whole day! That was because she was playing outside and didn't make it in the house in time to go. So that was ok.
The last couple days she has just been doing AMAZING! Very few accidents and she has become little miss independent. She won't let me go in the bathroom with her because she wants to do it on her own. I'm ok with that as long as I don't sit in pee when I go hehe.
So many times people have told me when and how to potty train my kids (mostly family). But when it comes down to it, nobody knows me or my kids better than me. Nobody knows when they are ready except me! Every child is different and for me and my daughter, this was the best possible way to train her and I would never change that.
My thinking for both my kids was that they had to be trained before they could go to school and that was all I cared about. The ppl that gave me advise, they were not here every day to change the diapers so not sure why they couldn't just let me do it to work for us. It becomes very frustrating when you have family stop by once a month who complains that they should trained and I learned quickly to just say, "Well as long as they are before they start school they will be fine."
Being stressed while doing anything is never good and this is one of those times. I am not worried about anything right now the training is going smoothly and better than I could ever have expected.
It looks like when school starts, she will def be ready and I give all the glory to God for giving me what I could handle!
Thank you JESUS!!!!
I had decided to wait till she was 3 and then after that I changed it and decided to wait till my son was out of school because then I could stay home and focus on her. This idea has been AWESOME!!! (Thanks Becca)
So we started last week and had a set back because the pull ups we use for nap, it turns out she is allergic to them so we needed to wait till that went away. So we started back up on Monday and she had one accident the whole day! That was because she was playing outside and didn't make it in the house in time to go. So that was ok.
The last couple days she has just been doing AMAZING! Very few accidents and she has become little miss independent. She won't let me go in the bathroom with her because she wants to do it on her own. I'm ok with that as long as I don't sit in pee when I go hehe.
So many times people have told me when and how to potty train my kids (mostly family). But when it comes down to it, nobody knows me or my kids better than me. Nobody knows when they are ready except me! Every child is different and for me and my daughter, this was the best possible way to train her and I would never change that.
My thinking for both my kids was that they had to be trained before they could go to school and that was all I cared about. The ppl that gave me advise, they were not here every day to change the diapers so not sure why they couldn't just let me do it to work for us. It becomes very frustrating when you have family stop by once a month who complains that they should trained and I learned quickly to just say, "Well as long as they are before they start school they will be fine."
Being stressed while doing anything is never good and this is one of those times. I am not worried about anything right now the training is going smoothly and better than I could ever have expected.
It looks like when school starts, she will def be ready and I give all the glory to God for giving me what I could handle!
Thank you JESUS!!!!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Growing up
So my son has one more week or 3 days left of school and it is a very bittersweet moment for me. He is my oldest so I experienced a lot with him as a new mom. He has always been my hugger, cuddler, and my little man!
He will be moving on to the 1st grade this coming fall and I def have mixed feelings about it. I am excited for him to keep moving forward and learning new things. I love to see him grow and get excited about new things. I love being able to experience those things with him. But it's also a very sad time for me because he will be going into all day school. I won't get to see him as much and I won't get to eat lunch with him anymore. Some very sad times for a mom for sure!
I am excited about the break I will get as my daughter will be going into preschool so for at least two days during the week it will be me time. I'm not really sure how I should feel about that. I am def ready to do my shopping without kids bc it will make life easier and to clean my house without kids messing it up when I move to another room.
This will also be a bittersweet time with Ash as she is my youngest and the last. Once she is in school, it will be just me!
Life has some exciting things in my future with having kids in school and I look forward to those things but it's going to be a big transition for me. Once that most of my friends wont be going through for a few years still.
I'm gonna have to lean on Jesus during this time. I know I will be doing alot of crying sure. I plan to still be involved in their schooling and help out in their classes but somehow I don't think it will be the same.
He will be moving on to the 1st grade this coming fall and I def have mixed feelings about it. I am excited for him to keep moving forward and learning new things. I love to see him grow and get excited about new things. I love being able to experience those things with him. But it's also a very sad time for me because he will be going into all day school. I won't get to see him as much and I won't get to eat lunch with him anymore. Some very sad times for a mom for sure!
I am excited about the break I will get as my daughter will be going into preschool so for at least two days during the week it will be me time. I'm not really sure how I should feel about that. I am def ready to do my shopping without kids bc it will make life easier and to clean my house without kids messing it up when I move to another room.
This will also be a bittersweet time with Ash as she is my youngest and the last. Once she is in school, it will be just me!
Life has some exciting things in my future with having kids in school and I look forward to those things but it's going to be a big transition for me. Once that most of my friends wont be going through for a few years still.
I'm gonna have to lean on Jesus during this time. I know I will be doing alot of crying sure. I plan to still be involved in their schooling and help out in their classes but somehow I don't think it will be the same.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Music for my Soul!!!
Oh how I LOVE music! I love worship music the best!
There is something about this music that just makes my heart sing and makes the cares of the world go away. I of course know what that something is! It's the LOVE of my Savior Jesus Christ who fills my heart with joy because these songs are about him.
I love to sing to him and about him and for him. Most of the time the music brings me to tears because the words I'm singing are words that feel and believe.
Never in the world would I ever be able to explain what I feel for God. He has done soo much for me and my family and nothing we do will every repay him for what he has done for us.
One of the radio stations I listen to is 93.9 WAY-FM and about 98% of the time my radio never changes. God knows when I need to hear a song and he knows what brings me close to him.
One of the best parts is when I get to go to concerts and see these artists sing live and it's AMAZING!!! When I get to share it with close friends who feel the same as me, it's even better!
Thank you Jesus for loving me and dying on the cross for my sins!
There is something about this music that just makes my heart sing and makes the cares of the world go away. I of course know what that something is! It's the LOVE of my Savior Jesus Christ who fills my heart with joy because these songs are about him.
I love to sing to him and about him and for him. Most of the time the music brings me to tears because the words I'm singing are words that feel and believe.
Never in the world would I ever be able to explain what I feel for God. He has done soo much for me and my family and nothing we do will every repay him for what he has done for us.
One of the radio stations I listen to is 93.9 WAY-FM and about 98% of the time my radio never changes. God knows when I need to hear a song and he knows what brings me close to him.
One of the best parts is when I get to go to concerts and see these artists sing live and it's AMAZING!!! When I get to share it with close friends who feel the same as me, it's even better!
Thank you Jesus for loving me and dying on the cross for my sins!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Sickness
For the past two and half weeks I have been under the weather to say the least. It all started with a cough of course. After having the cough for 4 days I decided I needed to go see the doctor. I was tired all the time and loosing my voice so something was wrong.
The Dr then tells me that it's my allergies! Hmmmm this is very interesting to me because I have had severe allergies for the past 10 years and have never had this happen. So she writes me a prescription to help me sleep. I didn't take it bc I don't like to take something unless I have to. At this point, sleep wasn't my biggest concern.
After another 3 days I decide to go back to the Dr because now my chest is burning every time I cough and it makes me want to cry. She then tells me that it's probably blah blah blah! I don't actually know what she said but is sounded like she was guessing so I was like whatever! She wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic and I was happy with that.
During this time I also have to deal with my son who gets the same thing but also a fever and ended up staying home for 4 days and missed school due to the fever.
So this past weekend I ended getting a rash on my face, chest and back. It was very strange and I couldn't figure out where it came from. I searched my head trying to think of anything I may have changed or anyone I have been around that may have been wearing something that might make me do this. The only conclusion was the antibiotics!
So I got o the Dr again to get this checked out and her response is, "this is a very strange reaction!" Well that makes me feel much better! The strangest part is that I was done with the meds 2 days b4 I went to the Dr and each day it was getting worse.
So I now had to get a shot of steroids and deal with this for possibly the next week! During this time I still have a cough that won't go away. I have my voice back but if the cough is still around next week she wants to do a chest x-ray!
ugh!
I'm very lucky to not get sick very often but it seems that when I do get sick, it's horrible and lasts forever.
One day I will be back to myself again!
The Dr then tells me that it's my allergies! Hmmmm this is very interesting to me because I have had severe allergies for the past 10 years and have never had this happen. So she writes me a prescription to help me sleep. I didn't take it bc I don't like to take something unless I have to. At this point, sleep wasn't my biggest concern.
After another 3 days I decide to go back to the Dr because now my chest is burning every time I cough and it makes me want to cry. She then tells me that it's probably blah blah blah! I don't actually know what she said but is sounded like she was guessing so I was like whatever! She wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic and I was happy with that.
During this time I also have to deal with my son who gets the same thing but also a fever and ended up staying home for 4 days and missed school due to the fever.
So this past weekend I ended getting a rash on my face, chest and back. It was very strange and I couldn't figure out where it came from. I searched my head trying to think of anything I may have changed or anyone I have been around that may have been wearing something that might make me do this. The only conclusion was the antibiotics!
So I got o the Dr again to get this checked out and her response is, "this is a very strange reaction!" Well that makes me feel much better! The strangest part is that I was done with the meds 2 days b4 I went to the Dr and each day it was getting worse.
So I now had to get a shot of steroids and deal with this for possibly the next week! During this time I still have a cough that won't go away. I have my voice back but if the cough is still around next week she wants to do a chest x-ray!
ugh!
I'm very lucky to not get sick very often but it seems that when I do get sick, it's horrible and lasts forever.
One day I will be back to myself again!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Being healthy
So today is Day 2 of my new journey and I gotta tell ya, it's going pretty well but I have def found my weak points and I don't have the best will power. I doing way better than I thought I would do and have already seen some weight loss after the first day due to the loss of excess fluids hehe.
The water that you make to drink everyday is actually really good and it's better than plain water that's for sure. I am having to drink fat free milk and I can't tell a big difference. Mostly because we normally drink 1% so it's not a huge change.
This is making me think about my serving sizes and what I am actually eating so it's very interesting.
I am often looked at as a quitter bc I dont' always stick to things I say I will do or start but I am determined to do it this time!
The water that you make to drink everyday is actually really good and it's better than plain water that's for sure. I am having to drink fat free milk and I can't tell a big difference. Mostly because we normally drink 1% so it's not a huge change.
This is making me think about my serving sizes and what I am actually eating so it's very interesting.
I am often looked at as a quitter bc I dont' always stick to things I say I will do or start but I am determined to do it this time!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
New Journey
Today is the first day of my new journey to take care of the body God has given me so that I can do all he needs me to do.
Today I have started the Flat Belly Diet. It's not one of those fads that make you take out all the carbs and deprive you of all the stuff you love. This was put together with a nutritionist and so it basically is teaching you how to eat smaller serving sizes and to eat healthier using foods that feed your body they way it should be fed.
I am excited to do this and to focus on being healthier. I blame most of my weight on being happy hehe. When you are happy and comfortable you don't worry about trying to eat less to impress or things like that. I am happy in my marriage, with my kids, our financial life is finally good and I have less stress in my life. However, I am also an emotional eater so i know that when I am bored I eat. I will have to trust God for that part and to keep me focused on him.
I will be keeping track of everything on this journey and keep you all posted on the changes!
Today I have started the Flat Belly Diet. It's not one of those fads that make you take out all the carbs and deprive you of all the stuff you love. This was put together with a nutritionist and so it basically is teaching you how to eat smaller serving sizes and to eat healthier using foods that feed your body they way it should be fed.
I am excited to do this and to focus on being healthier. I blame most of my weight on being happy hehe. When you are happy and comfortable you don't worry about trying to eat less to impress or things like that. I am happy in my marriage, with my kids, our financial life is finally good and I have less stress in my life. However, I am also an emotional eater so i know that when I am bored I eat. I will have to trust God for that part and to keep me focused on him.
I will be keeping track of everything on this journey and keep you all posted on the changes!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
So I checked my email today and got this devotional. It really hit home because this is where I am at in my walk with God.
By Starfield
I need to just admit/ My faith is paper thin/ I'm feeling so burned out on religion/ I say an empty prayer/ I sing a tired song/ I need to just admit/ that the passion’s gone/ And I want to get it back
I want to learn to pray/ The way that David prayed/ I want my soul to burn/ when I hear Your name
How often have you felt burning passion for something? And then, how does it feel when that passion is gone; when it feels like the fire has burned out? It suddenly feels like you’re missing out on something. It feels like you lost a part of yourself.
When we start our relationship with Jesus, we are often consumed by that passion. It influences every conversation we have, every decision we make. But over time, sometimes that passion fades, and we begin to feel that our faith is “paper thin.” Often you don’t quite know how you got to the place of just going through the motions, but once you realize you’re there, you have a desire to get back to where you once were.
Almost all of us have experienced this, and even people in the Bible experienced this. King David, who we know went through many highs and lows in his faith, wrote how he felt in Psalm 42:4-6, NLT:
After having incredible moments with God, after seeing God work in amazing ways in his life, David still had times where the passion had fizzled and he felt far from God. But he took those moments to remember who God is. He is the Savior. As we begin to remember all of the things that God has done for us, it’s like the kindling gets sparked. We can begin feeling that passion again, and maybe it will become a roaring fire.
And once that fire begins to burn again, we can pray prayers like David’s in Psalm 86:12-13, NLT:
I know God is AMAZING! I know God is with me every step of the way. He has done some CRAZY things for us in the past 4 years. I don't doubt that I will feel that passion again very soon and it will be overwhelming because I know how much he loves me.
By Starfield
I need to just admit/ My faith is paper thin/ I'm feeling so burned out on religion/ I say an empty prayer/ I sing a tired song/ I need to just admit/ that the passion’s gone/ And I want to get it back
I want to learn to pray/ The way that David prayed/ I want my soul to burn/ when I hear Your name
How often have you felt burning passion for something? And then, how does it feel when that passion is gone; when it feels like the fire has burned out? It suddenly feels like you’re missing out on something. It feels like you lost a part of yourself.
When we start our relationship with Jesus, we are often consumed by that passion. It influences every conversation we have, every decision we make. But over time, sometimes that passion fades, and we begin to feel that our faith is “paper thin.” Often you don’t quite know how you got to the place of just going through the motions, but once you realize you’re there, you have a desire to get back to where you once were.
Almost all of us have experienced this, and even people in the Bible experienced this. King David, who we know went through many highs and lows in his faith, wrote how he felt in Psalm 42:4-6, NLT:
"My heart is breaking as I remember how it used to be: I walked among the crowds of worshipers, leading a great procession to the house of God, singing for joy and giving thanks amid the sound of a great celebration! Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God!"
And once that fire begins to burn again, we can pray prayers like David’s in Psalm 86:12-13, NLT:
"With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord my God. I will give glory to your name forever, for your love for me is very great. You have rescued me from the depths of death."
I know God is AMAZING! I know God is with me every step of the way. He has done some CRAZY things for us in the past 4 years. I don't doubt that I will feel that passion again very soon and it will be overwhelming because I know how much he loves me.
Books
I love to read! Last year I was able to ready 7 books and I loved each and every one of them.
Most of the books I read are Christian books. I used to love to ready horror books but as I have gotten older, I find that scary things to me are just that, SCARY!!!! So now I ready different books. I like to ready books that about being a more radical christian.
These books have made me look at my life differently and that is what has made me get out into the community more and serve God's people. They make me realize that I wasn't put on this earth to sit on my bum and watch others take care of the poor, widowed and the orphans. God has told us to take care of them because they are his. That is what I intend to do with my life.
So along with serving God's children, my goal for this year is to read 1 book a month. So far I'm not doing so well. I have finished 1 book! hehe It is only April and so the way I see it, I have lots of time.
I realize looking back to what I have written, I kinda went off subject a bit but what can ya do? hehe
Most of the books I read are Christian books. I used to love to ready horror books but as I have gotten older, I find that scary things to me are just that, SCARY!!!! So now I ready different books. I like to ready books that about being a more radical christian.
These books have made me look at my life differently and that is what has made me get out into the community more and serve God's people. They make me realize that I wasn't put on this earth to sit on my bum and watch others take care of the poor, widowed and the orphans. God has told us to take care of them because they are his. That is what I intend to do with my life.
So along with serving God's children, my goal for this year is to read 1 book a month. So far I'm not doing so well. I have finished 1 book! hehe It is only April and so the way I see it, I have lots of time.
I realize looking back to what I have written, I kinda went off subject a bit but what can ya do? hehe
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
To the Rescue!!!!
So yesterday was a bit of an interesting day to say the least.
After I got home with the kids yesterday, Brant wasn't feeling good and so both kids were napping and I was able to just spend some time with myself and do my own thing. All of a sudden I hear the neighbors dogs barking. They usually only bark when a dog is running down the alley, if a person is walking down the alley or of course squirrels.
I consider myself to be a nosey person when it comes to my neighborhood.
So me being nosey, I peak out the back to see what the dogs were barking at and I glanced towards the house to the south of us and I saw the back leg of a man go into the foreclosure house.
I freaked out and didn't know if it was an emergency or not so I called the non-emergency number. I told them what I saw and they said they would send the cops over. So after pacing from front door to back door for about 10 mins and talking to Darren bc I was scared, the dispatch calls back and asks my address again bc they couldn't find it. They of course had the wrong address and so here I am pacing still to see if I see anyone leave the house and still talking to Darren. ( I was giving him a play by play during the whole thing)
So finally the cops show up and we end up with 3 cops out front and one hiding in the alley in case they run out the back. So I can't see anything really bc our house is lined up with this house so all I can see are the cops and I can hear noises and yelling and pounding.
This whole thing lasted about an hour to two hours I think.
So what happened in the end was, they pounded on the door and a girl was in there and they told her to open the door but she couldn't and so they busted down the door with their guns and found a girl and a guy. They think they were trying to steal copper from the unoccupied house. They handcuffed the two people and put them in the cars and searched the house and took pictures of everything. They came and asked me for my statement since I was the one who called them and they asked a lady across the street too bc she is nosey too! hehe She had seen other stuff before and had called the cops but they never did anything.
Anyway, so for me this whole situation was scary and a huge adrenaline rush. However, I know I watch too much tv because I asked the cop if I should be worried about them coming after me since I called on them. They said to call them if ppl come banging on our door otherwise we should be fine. I think we may be looking into a security system here soon.
So the cops stayed and scoped things out for the rest of the evening and now today is back to normal.
So crazy!
After I got home with the kids yesterday, Brant wasn't feeling good and so both kids were napping and I was able to just spend some time with myself and do my own thing. All of a sudden I hear the neighbors dogs barking. They usually only bark when a dog is running down the alley, if a person is walking down the alley or of course squirrels.
I consider myself to be a nosey person when it comes to my neighborhood.
So me being nosey, I peak out the back to see what the dogs were barking at and I glanced towards the house to the south of us and I saw the back leg of a man go into the foreclosure house.
I freaked out and didn't know if it was an emergency or not so I called the non-emergency number. I told them what I saw and they said they would send the cops over. So after pacing from front door to back door for about 10 mins and talking to Darren bc I was scared, the dispatch calls back and asks my address again bc they couldn't find it. They of course had the wrong address and so here I am pacing still to see if I see anyone leave the house and still talking to Darren. ( I was giving him a play by play during the whole thing)
So finally the cops show up and we end up with 3 cops out front and one hiding in the alley in case they run out the back. So I can't see anything really bc our house is lined up with this house so all I can see are the cops and I can hear noises and yelling and pounding.
This whole thing lasted about an hour to two hours I think.
So what happened in the end was, they pounded on the door and a girl was in there and they told her to open the door but she couldn't and so they busted down the door with their guns and found a girl and a guy. They think they were trying to steal copper from the unoccupied house. They handcuffed the two people and put them in the cars and searched the house and took pictures of everything. They came and asked me for my statement since I was the one who called them and they asked a lady across the street too bc she is nosey too! hehe She had seen other stuff before and had called the cops but they never did anything.
Anyway, so for me this whole situation was scary and a huge adrenaline rush. However, I know I watch too much tv because I asked the cop if I should be worried about them coming after me since I called on them. They said to call them if ppl come banging on our door otherwise we should be fine. I think we may be looking into a security system here soon.
So the cops stayed and scoped things out for the rest of the evening and now today is back to normal.
So crazy!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Extra blessings!
So the last few days, I have had wonderful conversations with some of my best friends and felt so very blessed.
I love when I can talk on the phone with them and feel like we are in the same room. I love when I don't see them for weeks at a time and once we get together, it feels like it was just yesterday. These are the friendships that are absolutely AMAZING!!!
It's hard to comprehend that God knows what we need and the kind of people we need in our life. He knows us soo well that simple words from our friends can make everything better just like chocolate! hehe I may actually think that chocolate works a little bit faster because I dont' have to talk to my chocolate to feel better. I just eat it! hehe
I want you all to know that if you are my friend, I consider you an extra blessing in my life and thank God for you in my life!
I love when I can talk on the phone with them and feel like we are in the same room. I love when I don't see them for weeks at a time and once we get together, it feels like it was just yesterday. These are the friendships that are absolutely AMAZING!!!
It's hard to comprehend that God knows what we need and the kind of people we need in our life. He knows us soo well that simple words from our friends can make everything better just like chocolate! hehe I may actually think that chocolate works a little bit faster because I dont' have to talk to my chocolate to feel better. I just eat it! hehe
I want you all to know that if you are my friend, I consider you an extra blessing in my life and thank God for you in my life!
Friday, April 8, 2011
Expectations
Expectations are a dangerous thing in life. We all have them. We have them for ourselves, we have them for our families, friends, spouses, children and the list goes on. They can cause a lot of problems in relationships that's for sure.
I first realized I had expectations when I was in CTO (Called to Obedience) with my husband. During this time we realized what our expectations of each other were doing to our marriage. Let's just say that we had reached the end of our marriage and this class was our last hope.
We learned a lot about ourselves and each other and how we were always letting each other down because of our expectations for each other. They were soo high that we were never going to reach them.
The definition of expectation is this:
anticipation of something happening: a confident belife or strong hope that a particular event will happen
or
notion of something: a mental image of something expected, often compared to it's reality (often used in the plural)
Relationships are a blessing in life. We learn to trust people over time as we place small expectations on them and then they fulfill that expectation. We do this with ourselves, our family, friends, spouses and our kids. It’s not a bad thing to count on others, but it is important that we don’t shift our entire expectation to them.
We are all human and we have to remember that God did not make us perfect. We will always fail eachother and will always let eachother down. That is life and there is no way around it.
When we face difficult times, it can be tempting to turn our expectation to others rather than God. The Bible says that when we are in need of a refuge it is better to trust in the Lord. People can never fulfill our expectation the way that God can. He is the Alimighty!
I first realized I had expectations when I was in CTO (Called to Obedience) with my husband. During this time we realized what our expectations of each other were doing to our marriage. Let's just say that we had reached the end of our marriage and this class was our last hope.
We learned a lot about ourselves and each other and how we were always letting each other down because of our expectations for each other. They were soo high that we were never going to reach them.
The definition of expectation is this:
anticipation of something happening: a confident belife or strong hope that a particular event will happen
or
notion of something: a mental image of something expected, often compared to it's reality (often used in the plural)
Relationships are a blessing in life. We learn to trust people over time as we place small expectations on them and then they fulfill that expectation. We do this with ourselves, our family, friends, spouses and our kids. It’s not a bad thing to count on others, but it is important that we don’t shift our entire expectation to them.
We are all human and we have to remember that God did not make us perfect. We will always fail eachother and will always let eachother down. That is life and there is no way around it.
When we face difficult times, it can be tempting to turn our expectation to others rather than God. The Bible says that when we are in need of a refuge it is better to trust in the Lord. People can never fulfill our expectation the way that God can. He is the Alimighty!
The Bible encourages us to look to “the God of HOPE” who will “fill us with all joy and peace as we TRUST in him” God is the one source of expectation that will never fail us. He never lets us down. We can go to Him with huge expectation; anticipating great things from Him and He is the only one who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than we could ever dare to hope for. God not only meets our expectation, He is able to surpass it every time. How crazy is that? That makes me feel soo much love from Him!
No one can live up to all our expectations all the time. Even as Darren and I have learned this and spent lots of time on it, we still have expectations but we also realize that the other will not reach it.
When we are faced with this disappointment our response can either bring peace or anger. ”Gentle answer vs. harsh words” I am not very good with this part but my life is always a work in progress. As my blog is called, Daily Pruning. That is God working non-stop in my life. My mouth tends to open before my head has a chance to realize what is going on.
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger
No matter how disappointing it is when someone we care about lets us down… harsh words never make it any better. Afterwards we always feel sorry for my attitude and our words and this leads to a humbling apology both to God and to the person we are speaking to.
So with all of this, just be prepared to be let down. Know that you are not perfect and neither is anyone else.
We all fall short. When someone is able to fulfill our expectation and encourage us we should appreciate it as a blessing in our life. Not expect it. When someone isn’t able to fulfill our expectation we should forgive it. Just as through Christ, we too have been justified freely by his grace. We all fall short.
Romans 3:23-24 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Love and Sadness!
So today was my first day delivering food for the Food Bank and the backpack program. I was soo excited to be apart of this and then last night I had a dream that made me think otherwise! hehe Oh how I just love dreams!
So this dream was just crazy and made me very nervous to go in today. So I go in not knowing what to expect and I was takin over to a guy named Glenn. The van wasn't back yet so we loaded the pallets up into his truck and drove off. As we are driving, he is talking my ear off and I am trying to pay attention since the next time I will be on my own.
So we get to the first school and I then find out that it's the only school. That makes me very happy so that I'm not having to remember where all these other schools are. So we park and open up the back of the truck and he takes me in to show me what to do. We come back out and start loading up to six boxes on the dolly and wheel them up the hill and into the school. I'm thinking ok this isn't too bad. However, I am feeling horrible pain in my arms and shoulders bc I decided to rake my whole back yard yesterday but that is another story.
So we make about 5 or 6 or 7 trips of 5 or 6 boxes each time and stack them in the hallway. As I am doing this I have to stop and wait for a class to walk by, and then another one. These kids are waving and saying hi and i'm sure they were about 1st or 2nd grade.
At this point I feel this great sadness seeing these kids faces and knowing that alot of these bags of food will be going to these kids that are passing by. It's easier to do something without emotion when you aren't able to connect it to anyone specific. It broke my heart and made this job soo much more important to me knowing that I will be feeding these kids by making sure the food got there. What better way to love on these kids than to do something for them that will never know about.
Anyway so I finish the boxes and head back and decide that this is def a job for me. I will be very excited to do this job every Thursday morning knowing that I am feeding these kids. Knowing that this may seem like the easier job ever that only takes an hour, but what a HUGE hour it is!!!
So this dream was just crazy and made me very nervous to go in today. So I go in not knowing what to expect and I was takin over to a guy named Glenn. The van wasn't back yet so we loaded the pallets up into his truck and drove off. As we are driving, he is talking my ear off and I am trying to pay attention since the next time I will be on my own.
So we get to the first school and I then find out that it's the only school. That makes me very happy so that I'm not having to remember where all these other schools are. So we park and open up the back of the truck and he takes me in to show me what to do. We come back out and start loading up to six boxes on the dolly and wheel them up the hill and into the school. I'm thinking ok this isn't too bad. However, I am feeling horrible pain in my arms and shoulders bc I decided to rake my whole back yard yesterday but that is another story.
So we make about 5 or 6 or 7 trips of 5 or 6 boxes each time and stack them in the hallway. As I am doing this I have to stop and wait for a class to walk by, and then another one. These kids are waving and saying hi and i'm sure they were about 1st or 2nd grade.
At this point I feel this great sadness seeing these kids faces and knowing that alot of these bags of food will be going to these kids that are passing by. It's easier to do something without emotion when you aren't able to connect it to anyone specific. It broke my heart and made this job soo much more important to me knowing that I will be feeding these kids by making sure the food got there. What better way to love on these kids than to do something for them that will never know about.
Anyway so I finish the boxes and head back and decide that this is def a job for me. I will be very excited to do this job every Thursday morning knowing that I am feeding these kids. Knowing that this may seem like the easier job ever that only takes an hour, but what a HUGE hour it is!!!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Volunteering with my heart!
So this week I was given a new opportunity to volunteer at the Food Bank! With God in control of my heart I of course said YES!!!!!!!
An email came out to all volunteers at the Food Bank of an opportunity to be apart of their backpack program. This is one of the best programs they have (my opinion).
The program is where they fill bags with food that can be opened and eatten by little kids. The bags are then delivered to schools and given to children who may not have food to eat at home until they get back to school. Most of these children only get food while and school and this breaks my heart. This program is HUGE and yet doesn't cost very much! You can sponsor a child in the backpack program for about $75 a school year. Can you believe that? $75 for the whole school year!!!! Is there anyone who can buy food for the whole school year for $75? Nope! What a great opporunity for a person so serve their community for a cost that won't break the bank.
So back to the email, so they said they needed someone on Wednesdays and Thursdays and so I asked about Thursdays (my normal day at the food bank) and they said yes and will work with my hours for picking up Brant from school. I also have an AMAZING friend who is serving the community in her own way by watching Ashley for me to do this. I am soo Thankful for her!
So tomorrow I will be learning to load a van and deliver these fragile bags to children who didn't choose to be in their situation. I may not have enough money to get food to these kids on my own but at least I can make a difference by making sure the food gets to these kids.
If you ever have any questions about volunteering at the Food Bank, I will gladly share my heart and love with you.
An email came out to all volunteers at the Food Bank of an opportunity to be apart of their backpack program. This is one of the best programs they have (my opinion).
The program is where they fill bags with food that can be opened and eatten by little kids. The bags are then delivered to schools and given to children who may not have food to eat at home until they get back to school. Most of these children only get food while and school and this breaks my heart. This program is HUGE and yet doesn't cost very much! You can sponsor a child in the backpack program for about $75 a school year. Can you believe that? $75 for the whole school year!!!! Is there anyone who can buy food for the whole school year for $75? Nope! What a great opporunity for a person so serve their community for a cost that won't break the bank.
So back to the email, so they said they needed someone on Wednesdays and Thursdays and so I asked about Thursdays (my normal day at the food bank) and they said yes and will work with my hours for picking up Brant from school. I also have an AMAZING friend who is serving the community in her own way by watching Ashley for me to do this. I am soo Thankful for her!
So tomorrow I will be learning to load a van and deliver these fragile bags to children who didn't choose to be in their situation. I may not have enough money to get food to these kids on my own but at least I can make a difference by making sure the food gets to these kids.
If you ever have any questions about volunteering at the Food Bank, I will gladly share my heart and love with you.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Taking care of ME!
So today I went and got a massage with a gift cert Darren got me for Christmas. It expires after 6 months and this is the first time I have had a chance to use it.
So the massage was for an hour and it was the BEST massage I have ever had. It was AMAZING!!! It was the aroma massage and they use all these oils and it was soo relaxing. My favorite part was when they wrapped my feet in these hot towels! I also like when they massage my fingers and toes. I am very ticklish so the toes are really hard for me hehe.
This has made me think about my life right now. I realize that I am finally able to focus on myself again after being just mommy for over 6 years. I am taking the cake decorating classes for me just for fun, taking sewing classes just for me bc I like to make stuff, and really focusing on who I am and who I want to be in life.
I am really loving this stage. I am able to build great relationships with my friends and I get to be me!
So the massage was for an hour and it was the BEST massage I have ever had. It was AMAZING!!! It was the aroma massage and they use all these oils and it was soo relaxing. My favorite part was when they wrapped my feet in these hot towels! I also like when they massage my fingers and toes. I am very ticklish so the toes are really hard for me hehe.
This has made me think about my life right now. I realize that I am finally able to focus on myself again after being just mommy for over 6 years. I am taking the cake decorating classes for me just for fun, taking sewing classes just for me bc I like to make stuff, and really focusing on who I am and who I want to be in life.
I am really loving this stage. I am able to build great relationships with my friends and I get to be me!
Monday, February 28, 2011
God Speaks
I have realized recently that I am very different from most Christians.
I love to sing and worship God with songs. I will have my radio on WAY-FM all day or all week and I could just sing all day. The words in songs just speak to me. God speaks to me so clearly in songs and I LOVE IT!!!
I have never been one to be able to memorize stuff. Even in school I struggles to remember things or words for tests. So when it comes to scripture, it doesn't stick in my head. Surprise surprise! But, if you were to sing the verse to me, I will remember it! Isn't that strange?
Anyway, so I have started going to Christian concerts all throughout the year and God speaks to me always in the songs. He always knows what I need to hear and He always knows how to fill my heart! When I am at these concerts, of course I have fun, but I can worship and sing as loud as I can and nobody can hear my noise! hehe When I leave not being able to talk, I know that it was an AMAZING concert and that God moved me in ways I can't explain.
Last night I went to the Rock and Worship Roadshow and experienced some new musical groups and I was sooo extremely giddy with how I didn't care about how I looked when I was singing and dancing. I was able to be me and feel the music praise God all at the same time. Who could ask for anything better? I can't wait for next year and feel that again!
Thank you Jesus!!!
I love to sing and worship God with songs. I will have my radio on WAY-FM all day or all week and I could just sing all day. The words in songs just speak to me. God speaks to me so clearly in songs and I LOVE IT!!!
I have never been one to be able to memorize stuff. Even in school I struggles to remember things or words for tests. So when it comes to scripture, it doesn't stick in my head. Surprise surprise! But, if you were to sing the verse to me, I will remember it! Isn't that strange?
Anyway, so I have started going to Christian concerts all throughout the year and God speaks to me always in the songs. He always knows what I need to hear and He always knows how to fill my heart! When I am at these concerts, of course I have fun, but I can worship and sing as loud as I can and nobody can hear my noise! hehe When I leave not being able to talk, I know that it was an AMAZING concert and that God moved me in ways I can't explain.
Last night I went to the Rock and Worship Roadshow and experienced some new musical groups and I was sooo extremely giddy with how I didn't care about how I looked when I was singing and dancing. I was able to be me and feel the music praise God all at the same time. Who could ask for anything better? I can't wait for next year and feel that again!
Thank you Jesus!!!
New Journey
So this past weekend, our family started a new journey! It's scary yet exciting at the same time. We are looking for a new church home. After many months or even years we have finally decided it is time for us to move on.
So many fears come with this new journey. It's going to be like changing schools again like I was younger and you have to start all over meeting new friends. You have to learn to gain trust in people who will be watching your kids. You have to, most of all, trust in God completely to lead you to where he wants you.
I go online and search for different church websites to get information on them and I just don't know what I'm looking for. I know I want at church that is apart of the community and I want a church that has a future for my kids. This is like buying a new house. You have your things that you def want and all the other things can change.
How long is this gonna take? Are we gonna be wandering for years like they did in Egypt? hehe that was just a joke by the way. Anyway, seriously, how long do you keep searching? How do you know when you find the right place? Will I feel it in my heart right away or do I need to go to each church a few times to know? ugh, sooo many questions.
Well wish us luck on this new journey. I know it will grow us and teach us things and will most likely be exciting!
So many fears come with this new journey. It's going to be like changing schools again like I was younger and you have to start all over meeting new friends. You have to learn to gain trust in people who will be watching your kids. You have to, most of all, trust in God completely to lead you to where he wants you.
I go online and search for different church websites to get information on them and I just don't know what I'm looking for. I know I want at church that is apart of the community and I want a church that has a future for my kids. This is like buying a new house. You have your things that you def want and all the other things can change.
How long is this gonna take? Are we gonna be wandering for years like they did in Egypt? hehe that was just a joke by the way. Anyway, seriously, how long do you keep searching? How do you know when you find the right place? Will I feel it in my heart right away or do I need to go to each church a few times to know? ugh, sooo many questions.
Well wish us luck on this new journey. I know it will grow us and teach us things and will most likely be exciting!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Black hole.......No light in sight!
Right now I feel like I am in a black hole and there is no light in sight. I feel like I am falling and there is nothing to grab and I don't even know which direction is up or down.
I feel lost!
Right now I have soo many people telling me, your sinning, your sinning, your sinning! You aren't listening to God, You aren't following God, You need to trust God, You need to forgive, You need to stop controlling, You need to listen to God!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOP!!!
How does anybody know any of this? How do you know I'm sinning? How do you know I'm not listening to God? How do you know I'm not following God? How do you know I'm not trusting God? How do you know I need to forgive or even ask for forgiveness? How do you know I need to stop controlling? How does anybody besides God know any of this?
Right now I feel like we don't have a church home or a church family. So far, nobody has noticed that we don't come to church anymore. The people who we thought cared about us dont' talk to us anymore. The leadership I was apart of in the past, don't talk to me.
I know God tells us that humans will always let you down. I KNOW this is true as I have experienced it soo much. Nobody know what I have gone through in the past 8 months. Nobody knows what I have experienced in the past 8 months. You can't tell me what to do when you haven't been in my shoes! UGH!!
So right now, I will keep falling and keep talking to God. I have talked to him about where I'm at and that I don't know how to decipher His words and Satan's words. I don't know where to go. I can't do this, I can't handle all this. I can't keep going through this. I am falling and I need him to catch me.
I will keep talking to God and giving him my struggles. I know he will guide me and I know he loves me.
So as I am falling, please pray.
I feel lost!
Right now I have soo many people telling me, your sinning, your sinning, your sinning! You aren't listening to God, You aren't following God, You need to trust God, You need to forgive, You need to stop controlling, You need to listen to God!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOP!!!
How does anybody know any of this? How do you know I'm sinning? How do you know I'm not listening to God? How do you know I'm not following God? How do you know I'm not trusting God? How do you know I need to forgive or even ask for forgiveness? How do you know I need to stop controlling? How does anybody besides God know any of this?
Right now I feel like we don't have a church home or a church family. So far, nobody has noticed that we don't come to church anymore. The people who we thought cared about us dont' talk to us anymore. The leadership I was apart of in the past, don't talk to me.
I know God tells us that humans will always let you down. I KNOW this is true as I have experienced it soo much. Nobody know what I have gone through in the past 8 months. Nobody knows what I have experienced in the past 8 months. You can't tell me what to do when you haven't been in my shoes! UGH!!
So right now, I will keep falling and keep talking to God. I have talked to him about where I'm at and that I don't know how to decipher His words and Satan's words. I don't know where to go. I can't do this, I can't handle all this. I can't keep going through this. I am falling and I need him to catch me.
I will keep talking to God and giving him my struggles. I know he will guide me and I know he loves me.
So as I am falling, please pray.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Fulfilled
Recently in Life Group we were asked if we felt fulfilled. Do we feel fulfilled in our life as a whole, in our church, in our family, and in our marriage. The funny thing is that I feel fulfilled in all areas except at church.
This got me thinking!
I have never asked myself if I was fulfilled at church. Some people may say that you shouldn't go to church to be fulfilled but I look at it a bit different. I go there to worship God and while there I should be fulfilled and energized to take on the world for God. I do go there to worship but I don't get anything from being there except falling asleep and thinking about the family time we miss out on because we are sitting at church. The only time I look forward to going to church is when we are helping in the Kingdom Kids area.
I know this all sounds horrible but when I volunteer at the food bank, I am totally and completely fulfilled! I don't feel judged, I don't feel used, I am a volunteer just like most of the people there. The people that go there for food for the most part are very appreciative. I work hard and I feel like I accomplished something even though you will never see that I did anything. The people there need volunteers and every Thursday they say hello, they know my name and they thank me for coming in. This is how I get fulfilled!
When I go to church I dont' feel this at all! I feel judged, I feel that if you don't take part in something then you aren't apart of the IN crowd. If you question something they look down upon you and they only appreciate me when I'm doing something because that is just one more thing they dont' have to do.
What a sad day when you feel more fulfilled out in the real world than you do in your own church!
I feel the best when I am out serving and doing something to show God's love to people. Working in Kingdom Kids and the Food Bank are places that I love and long to be!
This got me thinking!
I have never asked myself if I was fulfilled at church. Some people may say that you shouldn't go to church to be fulfilled but I look at it a bit different. I go there to worship God and while there I should be fulfilled and energized to take on the world for God. I do go there to worship but I don't get anything from being there except falling asleep and thinking about the family time we miss out on because we are sitting at church. The only time I look forward to going to church is when we are helping in the Kingdom Kids area.
I know this all sounds horrible but when I volunteer at the food bank, I am totally and completely fulfilled! I don't feel judged, I don't feel used, I am a volunteer just like most of the people there. The people that go there for food for the most part are very appreciative. I work hard and I feel like I accomplished something even though you will never see that I did anything. The people there need volunteers and every Thursday they say hello, they know my name and they thank me for coming in. This is how I get fulfilled!
When I go to church I dont' feel this at all! I feel judged, I feel that if you don't take part in something then you aren't apart of the IN crowd. If you question something they look down upon you and they only appreciate me when I'm doing something because that is just one more thing they dont' have to do.
What a sad day when you feel more fulfilled out in the real world than you do in your own church!
I feel the best when I am out serving and doing something to show God's love to people. Working in Kingdom Kids and the Food Bank are places that I love and long to be!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Is the Grass Greener?
So right now Darren and I are faced with a once in a life time opportunity. The question we have right now is, Do we risk everything and go for it? or Do we play it safe?
We dont' know all the information and so from that point of few it is a def no. You can't jump into something not knowing everything. We have googled all that we can and not sure where to go from here. We can talk to the person but then do we really know if they are telling us the truth?
I dont' want our intentions to be about money because that is a huge part of this decision. I feel like God is def our only way in making a decision. Then comes more questions, how long do we wait? I'm not one with a lot of patience so I like to think that if I just sit and wait, how can God do anything if I'm sitting here? But I do also know that God is bigger than anything I could imagine and he doesn't need me to accomplish what he wants done.
I totally and completely trust God but then my next concern is Darren. How do I keep him from jumping into something like this? I need to be obedient and submissive. That is soo hard in this situation!
I feel like all I can do right now is pray hard and hope that God will give Darren a clear direction. Pray that he will give us the wisdom to make the right choice based on what will glorify God and not what will better us.
Please keep us in prayer.
We dont' know all the information and so from that point of few it is a def no. You can't jump into something not knowing everything. We have googled all that we can and not sure where to go from here. We can talk to the person but then do we really know if they are telling us the truth?
I dont' want our intentions to be about money because that is a huge part of this decision. I feel like God is def our only way in making a decision. Then comes more questions, how long do we wait? I'm not one with a lot of patience so I like to think that if I just sit and wait, how can God do anything if I'm sitting here? But I do also know that God is bigger than anything I could imagine and he doesn't need me to accomplish what he wants done.
I totally and completely trust God but then my next concern is Darren. How do I keep him from jumping into something like this? I need to be obedient and submissive. That is soo hard in this situation!
I feel like all I can do right now is pray hard and hope that God will give Darren a clear direction. Pray that he will give us the wisdom to make the right choice based on what will glorify God and not what will better us.
Please keep us in prayer.
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