Making a difference

Every day I have so many thoughts that run through my head.  Most of them have to do with, what can I do to make a difference.  I really truely want to use my life to make a difference.  I want to be one of those people who others talk about because of the amazing things they did in their life.  Not because I want to be in the spotlight or popular, but because I want to be someone who makes a difference in this world for God.  The only spotlight I would want is one that will promote God and glorify him.  To show the world, all his children that are struggling and how any regular person can make a diffence. 

One thing that is close to my heart are the homeless and poor people.  Something I have never been able to comprehend in our time is how we can have soooo much money yet still soo many people with no food or water.  People who can give away millions of dollars but probably have never thought to buy a house for a family that needs one.  How can one person own more than 2 houses and that still not be enough.  The richest people in the world could go to a town or city and just pay for all these houses for homeless people to help get them on their feet so they have a place for their family.

A dream that I have is to build a homeless/poor shelter type of place.  But this place would be a rebuilding place where families can come and we can help them get back on their feet, help them to use their money the right way to take care of their family.  This ministry would then help encourage people and families and show God's love to them but show them that there are still caring people in the world and that they aren't invisible. We would help them get back into their own home but so that they can look back and see that they didn't get handed a bunch of money, but that they themselves worked with their hands and used what God gave them and were able to go from rock bottom where they lost everything to being a back up on top and breathing again.

This has been a dream of mine for a long time and I even have drawings to show how it would all work.  This building would also give them the skills they needed to get back into the workforce and earn money.  It saddens me to see people on the streets.  I know some of them chose that for their life and I pray one day God will reach them and they will overcome where they are.  For now my heart is with the people who didn't choose to be on the streets and have found themselves lost, physically and spiritually.

Right now I feel like I need to take small steps and that for me is the food bank.  This is such an amazing ministry and it's hard to believe that most people know nothing about the food bank.  If you are reading this, take the time to look into your local food bank and become a volunteer.  It's awesome to know that even though you won't be giving food to people and will just be in the shadows, you are making a difference in someone's life.

I want to make a difference and I want to be so bright with God's love that I will blind people.

Excitment and Joy Explosion!!!

Wow, things are going crazy right now in my head!  I feel like Jesus has lit a fire under me and I'm up and running!

I have soo much excitement and Joy and Love for Jesus right now that I feel like I can't sit down.  I have soo many ideas to reach the people who don't know Jesus.  I think I have found a purpose for me right now in my life and I'm excited for what is going to come out of this.  I can see big things in the future and even though I dont know what any of it is, I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Watch out world, here I come!!!!

Jesus, You have my heart!

I woke up this morning feeling like me again!  This is a wonderful feeling as I have felt lost for a while now.  But I feel that God has given me a new outlook on things and he has given me His joy and love and it's hard to contain right now!  I found myself not able to go to sleep last night as ideas just keep flowing through my head and the hardest part is that I don't know what to do with them. Especially at 11:33pm.  People are sleeping and I should be too but instead my brain is going crazy with soo many things and ways to show God's love to the people around me.

Once again, I am excited to see what the future holds and I can't wait to see what Jesus does with me!  I know he has plans for me and sure sometimes it's hard and I feel like make it through and I don't want to wake up and face another day.  But when he brings these feelings back into me, I can't contain myself and I want to sing to the ends of the earth. (interesting that the earth is a circle, so good luck right? hehe)

I am very much a visual learner and it makes it hard for me to do things and be excited about things.  I need to be able to see how things work and what exactly I am supposed to do.  Right now my next step of course is to wait and see what else God shows me.  This is not something I am very good at because when I am excited about something, I like to jump right in and don't really look at how this is actually going to work.  That some people would call a learning experience hehe.

It feels wonderful to be in the place again and my love Jesus is back and I can't wait to grow in him more!

Joy

So I started a new bible study a week ago and last night I learned something new and am sooo completely excited about it!  I'm sure it doens't mean much to most of you but it was something I have read a million times and have never seen!  It's AMAZING!!!

So what I read was in Genesis 1:2  "The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters.  And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters."

So your asking what I saw right?  Well I have always read it as God made the earth from nothing and then last night I finally realized that the earth started with water.  Can you believe that?  I can't!  It changes everything that I have believed.  I mean I still believe in God and Jesus as my Savior but this just makes me look at my beliefs in a different way and in more of an AWE FOR JESUS!!  I always thought that God made water in the first 6 days but it's just not soo.    It's funny how so little can just put me in awe with the bible. 

Anyway, just wanted to share this with you.  I can't wait for more of my bible study next week.

Too much Pruning!

Ok, God, you are pruning a little too much right now hehe.  I'm not a strong person in certain areas and I'm not sure how much more pruning I can take.  Maybe if you slow it down and give me some time in between then I could probably do this. 

Right now I feel like my world is falling apart.  I know some of this has to do with Satan but i'm not sure what or how much.  I know there will eventually be a lesson learned but I would prefer to get that info first so I can prepare for it.  I have spent soo many days crying and my eyes hurt and I don't know how I have any more tears left. 

Growing Pains for Sure!!!

ok, so having a rough day with all this that is going on in my life.  Right now it's hard to see this as God is pruning my branches and that's how I like to look at things but right now it's impossible!

I feel hurt by my church and I feel like just because I chose to speak up that now I am being shushed!  People say that we have been soo peaceful for so long but that is because I finally have decided I can't keep quiet anymore because I dont like the way things are going.  So now i'm roughling feathers and causing people to think and now they say I am dividing leadership and dividing the mops group?

This isnt a dictatorship people!  ugh!!!

Frustration

So God has been growing me in different ways and one way I don't like is by meeting with people to talk about concerns.  It makes me sick to my stomach and no matter how many times he has me do this, it never gets better or easier!  I still feel sick and am exhausted for the rest of the day.

I understand that God has placed people in authority over us for a reason and I agree with and trust in his decisions.  I do what I can to obey the laws of the land and obey God's word the best I can as a human.  I struggle every day but when I stumble I know God is there to pick me and dust me off and help me to try again.  I was never one to get into trouble when I was younger.  It actually scared me when I thought I might get in trouble for something so I just wouldn't do it.

Being an adult, life gets different when it comes to authority and for the most part, I agree and I do my best as humanly possible to obey the laws of the land and of God.  However, I struggle with leadership at my church right now and I honestly don't want to obey them.  They want us to come to them when we have questions and concerns and so when you do, it's like you hit a wall and nobody cares because they are leadership and they make the decisions and they don't have to answer to anyone because they are above you!  I know that was a bit confusing!  So if you don't have to answer to anyone because you are leadership, then why do you have people under to be a part of a ministry?  Why don't you just make your own little community and be your own boss and bring people in who don't like to have a voice and who like to be told what to do!  I don't want to be apart of it because I live in a free country when everyone has a voice!

Part of me is saddened because I view these people as my family and to honest, my earthly family isn't this hurtful!  What does that tell you?  I am now to the point where I want to delete people from my fb page and stay clear from anyone in this ministry.  I feel like I work so hard to help move the ministry forward and yet at the same time, I feel like I'm the only one who cares and is doing this.  Ugh, I am just rambling right now!

I apologize if this doesn't make sense but it does in my head so good luck! hehe

God tells us that we can't trust anyone but Hun and even though I have learned this lesson MANY times, I still put my trust in people and I get my heart broken.  People gossip about you and spread rumors.  These people claim to be your friends and that's not what a friend does.  My only one true friend is God and I need to keep that in the front of my head from now on.

Right now, I'm hurt and frustrated and angry and exhausted and want to cry!  I don't want to trust people in leadership especially at my church and that sounds horrible but right now I feel that way in my heart.  This saddens me to my core and I just don't know what direction to go right now.  It won't do any good to go back to leadership because I have hit that wall too many times now and know it wont' be coming down and there is no ladder in site.  My only option is prayer and hope that something changes in the future.