Volunteering!

So today I was able to volunteer again at the foodbank.  I LOVE TO VOLUNTEER!!!   

Anyway, so it was awesome starting out because I was abe to work in some new areas and earn some new stuff.  I got to meet some VERY NICE old guys.  Apparently Thursdays is the day all the old guys come volunteer! hehe   So I'm workin away and learning new stuff and then this big group of people come in and have been told they are taking over the area that we were helping in.  I am fine with this as I am going to a new area.  Or so I thought!  For the next hour or so I was just breaking down boxes for this group of people.  They were completely rude and had no respect for other volunteers.  It's like we were all there today for them.  I felt like they looked down at me because I was volunteering there.  Like I was poor or something.  They would ask for my box cutter but not even really ask, it was more like demand!  One of the people tossed a box at me and I decided it was time for a break!

When you volunteer, there is nobody better than you!  Everyone is there for the same reason!  Our goal is a the same and that is to help feed those in our community that dont have food.

Does it make you feel better to belittle others?  No!  UGH!!!!

It's soo hard when your in this situation because I kept trying to tell myself that I am here for God and they are here because their work makes them come.  Would they come if they weren't with their work?  Probably not.  I am here because the food bank is close to my heart and if I can just keep that in mind, I should be ok.

Father, please forgive me for judging others as I don't know their hearts and only you do.  Thank you for the heart you have given me!

Blah!

oh how the things in life can wear (sp) you out. These past couple weeks have been exhausting.

 My grandma passed away last week and emotions came out that I didn't know where there.  I have always loved my grandma even though I have never been close to her.  My heart ached for all the things that led up to her passing away.  I don't have a problem understanding how God can allow someone he loves to go through all this bc I know he he loves us more than we can ever know.  But just thinking about what she must have been feeling and being unresponsive, well what could she hear and see and think.  This is what breaks my heart.  I can't imagine what she was feeling and thinking on the otherside.  I also ache for my mom and my aunt as they have both lost their mom.  I can't imagine how that must feel to lose your mom.  It's different when you don't see them for long periods of time but when you know you will never see them again.  And it's your MOM!!!  ugh, my heart will always ache for them.  I have cried soo hard since she passed and I pray that she truely knew Jesus so that she can be with him for eternity.

A daily struggle

So my family is doing a biggest loser competition and there are about 18 of us.  I was soo excited for us to all do this together and I still am.

I find myself reaching a point where I am soo completely excited and pumped but then I don't do anything.  I want soo much to lose the weight that I have gained since I got married but until I can see myself as a person who deserves to be healthy, I don't think it's going to happen. 

I have never been one to finish things in my life.  I have been in modeling but quit that and told my parents I was bored.  Not true at all!  I missed  a class and I had to make it up by going to another class with people I didn't know.  I was soo scared that I decided it was easier to just not go anymore.  I played the trumpet in 6th grade and had soo much fun!  My mom and her husband at the time decided to move us once again and I decided not to play the trumpet anymore because I was gonna have to play with people I didn't know.  Again, I was afraid of what people would think of me and then gave up.  I ran for class secretary my senior year and so I wrote a speech but of course it wasn't me and it was just enough to hopefully have a chance at winning.  Had I wrote from my heart, I could have won but I was soo afraid of writing the speech that I gave up once again.

I have such a fear of failing that I always fail!  How do I get over this?  How do I make myself see that I am worth fighting for?  I struggle with this everyday.  Everyday I get up and decide I am going to work hard and then one thing doesn't work for me and I give up! 

I know that this isn't how God made me!  I know he doesn't see me as a failure.  He loves me the same today as he did yesterday.  He loves me the same as he did when I was in 3rd grade and gave up on modeling.

I want so bad to be pretty.  I don't feel pretty and the only time I ever felt beautiful was on my wedding day.  How do I get back to that point again?  I always seem to find something as an excuse and I don't know how to move past this.

Heart for the Homeless

So there was an article in the paper this week saying that Greeley has nearly 3000 homeless people.  It also mentioned that Greeley is one of the poorest areas in Colorado.  These numbers break my heart.  Things shouldn't be this way.

The hardest part for me is that I never see these people in Greeley.  I'm sure it's because I stay in my own little bubble and stay in one section of town where I can get to every store I need w/o having to travel far.  But you would think with 3000 I would see some of these people.

It's interesting how we all go about our normal lives not realizing how bad our community is.  I'm working on some stuff to hopefully bring to light some of this info to the people in my church.

I hope that one day I can leave a legacy.  I want people to come to my funeral and I want them to all know how much I cared about the poor and how much I want to share God's love with them.  All these things are going to mean I will have to step out of my comfort zone and be apart of things and be around people I'm not used to.  It's going to require a lot of strength and that I will rely on God for.

This all reminds me of the verse in the Bible that says to do things as if you are doing them for Jesus.  I'm not good at memorizing verses in the Bible so forgive me if I have said that somewhat wrong.

My goal in life is to try and reach the people that God calls, "the least of these".  I dont know yet how or what that means for me yet but I pray that God will just keep filling my heart with love and filling my head with ideas. I also pray he will bring me the people I need to get things organized.

There will be a day when there are no homeless or poor people in the world and that will be when Jesus come back!   AMEN!!!