My calling!

So I was watching 20/20 last night (yes I like old people shows) and it was all on making change around the world and it was AMAZING!!!  All the information can be found on www.saveone.net  So the point of the show was to show people around the world who are doing things to change the world.  Some are small and you would never know about them if they weren't on the show but they are all HUGE and we can all be apart of it. 

Some college students came up with a wrap for new born babies who are to small to balance their body temperatures and it keeps them warm with wax and water.  You heat them up and then in goes in a pocket and you wrap the baby in the wrap.  It keeps the baby warm for 4 hours!  How cool is that?

Another one was talking about the children and people in Guatemala who are stunted bc they don't get the nutrition they need as babies to keep growing.  So they have come up with this peanut butter like substance and you give it to babies each day and it provides them with all the vitamins and minerals they need to grow.  How cool is that?  Just a lil bit of peanut buttery stuff can save lives or improves lives!  AMAZING!!!

I love to watch these stories because it makes me feel not so helpless.  I can help from where I am and make a difference around the world without having to face my fear of flying over water!  hehe  This website has all these stories on it plus more and gives you sooo many options for helping. 

I have decided that this is my calling in life!  It is to be used by God to make a difference around the world and here in Greeley of course by doing small things.  I may never see the difference first hand but I know that villages and children are able to live better because I chose to not be selfish or materialistic and pour out his love.  This is where my heart is and we are all God's people so nobody should be left out.  I know we have a lot of work to be done here in the Greeley and in the US but every little bit counts and I feel that God is bigger than this and he can use me in all places at once!

What an AMAZING GOD we have to give me such love for people I don't know!  People may not understand the love I feel but GOD knows and that's all that matters!

When I grow up!

So lately I have been looking at my life and not sure what I want to be when I grow up.  I have soo many friends that have always had a dream to be either a teacher, a baker, a vet, a nurse.  I on the other hand have no dreams of what I want to do. 

I spent a lot of time looking at the things I love in life and the things that bring me joy but have realized that non can really be something like a career.  I love to volunteer as you all should know by now.  I love to read, hang out, help people, be in the background of events and I like to sew.  When I look at a lot of these things, I think to myself, well I can't very well become a professional reader now can I? hehe  But of all the things I like to do, I do like to sew and that is something I can actually move forward with.  I can sew stuff for people and be helping at the same time.

So my new goal is to learn how to sew.  I am in the process of looking for someone who teaches sewing classes because I would like to sew all kinds of things but just need to learn how.  I have ideas in my head but when I actually try them, will they work they way I think they will?  Prob not hehe and I will end up with shirts with 2 arms holes and no head hole or a shirt with no holes at all!  So I think I need to learn to sew first.

I have so many ideas as to how I can use this as a ministry and an outreach and so this is going to become my passion.  When both my kids are in school, I know that I will be very busy using this for God's Glory and sharing his love as much as I can.

I may not have a college degree, (I know right now that a degree is def not in my future), but I do know that when I follow where God leads me, I'm happy and fulfilled!  That is my goal for my life and God will take care of the rest.

Volunteering!

So today I was able to volunteer again at the foodbank.  I LOVE TO VOLUNTEER!!!   

Anyway, so it was awesome starting out because I was abe to work in some new areas and earn some new stuff.  I got to meet some VERY NICE old guys.  Apparently Thursdays is the day all the old guys come volunteer! hehe   So I'm workin away and learning new stuff and then this big group of people come in and have been told they are taking over the area that we were helping in.  I am fine with this as I am going to a new area.  Or so I thought!  For the next hour or so I was just breaking down boxes for this group of people.  They were completely rude and had no respect for other volunteers.  It's like we were all there today for them.  I felt like they looked down at me because I was volunteering there.  Like I was poor or something.  They would ask for my box cutter but not even really ask, it was more like demand!  One of the people tossed a box at me and I decided it was time for a break!

When you volunteer, there is nobody better than you!  Everyone is there for the same reason!  Our goal is a the same and that is to help feed those in our community that dont have food.

Does it make you feel better to belittle others?  No!  UGH!!!!

It's soo hard when your in this situation because I kept trying to tell myself that I am here for God and they are here because their work makes them come.  Would they come if they weren't with their work?  Probably not.  I am here because the food bank is close to my heart and if I can just keep that in mind, I should be ok.

Father, please forgive me for judging others as I don't know their hearts and only you do.  Thank you for the heart you have given me!

Blah!

oh how the things in life can wear (sp) you out. These past couple weeks have been exhausting.

 My grandma passed away last week and emotions came out that I didn't know where there.  I have always loved my grandma even though I have never been close to her.  My heart ached for all the things that led up to her passing away.  I don't have a problem understanding how God can allow someone he loves to go through all this bc I know he he loves us more than we can ever know.  But just thinking about what she must have been feeling and being unresponsive, well what could she hear and see and think.  This is what breaks my heart.  I can't imagine what she was feeling and thinking on the otherside.  I also ache for my mom and my aunt as they have both lost their mom.  I can't imagine how that must feel to lose your mom.  It's different when you don't see them for long periods of time but when you know you will never see them again.  And it's your MOM!!!  ugh, my heart will always ache for them.  I have cried soo hard since she passed and I pray that she truely knew Jesus so that she can be with him for eternity.

A daily struggle

So my family is doing a biggest loser competition and there are about 18 of us.  I was soo excited for us to all do this together and I still am.

I find myself reaching a point where I am soo completely excited and pumped but then I don't do anything.  I want soo much to lose the weight that I have gained since I got married but until I can see myself as a person who deserves to be healthy, I don't think it's going to happen. 

I have never been one to finish things in my life.  I have been in modeling but quit that and told my parents I was bored.  Not true at all!  I missed  a class and I had to make it up by going to another class with people I didn't know.  I was soo scared that I decided it was easier to just not go anymore.  I played the trumpet in 6th grade and had soo much fun!  My mom and her husband at the time decided to move us once again and I decided not to play the trumpet anymore because I was gonna have to play with people I didn't know.  Again, I was afraid of what people would think of me and then gave up.  I ran for class secretary my senior year and so I wrote a speech but of course it wasn't me and it was just enough to hopefully have a chance at winning.  Had I wrote from my heart, I could have won but I was soo afraid of writing the speech that I gave up once again.

I have such a fear of failing that I always fail!  How do I get over this?  How do I make myself see that I am worth fighting for?  I struggle with this everyday.  Everyday I get up and decide I am going to work hard and then one thing doesn't work for me and I give up! 

I know that this isn't how God made me!  I know he doesn't see me as a failure.  He loves me the same today as he did yesterday.  He loves me the same as he did when I was in 3rd grade and gave up on modeling.

I want so bad to be pretty.  I don't feel pretty and the only time I ever felt beautiful was on my wedding day.  How do I get back to that point again?  I always seem to find something as an excuse and I don't know how to move past this.

Heart for the Homeless

So there was an article in the paper this week saying that Greeley has nearly 3000 homeless people.  It also mentioned that Greeley is one of the poorest areas in Colorado.  These numbers break my heart.  Things shouldn't be this way.

The hardest part for me is that I never see these people in Greeley.  I'm sure it's because I stay in my own little bubble and stay in one section of town where I can get to every store I need w/o having to travel far.  But you would think with 3000 I would see some of these people.

It's interesting how we all go about our normal lives not realizing how bad our community is.  I'm working on some stuff to hopefully bring to light some of this info to the people in my church.

I hope that one day I can leave a legacy.  I want people to come to my funeral and I want them to all know how much I cared about the poor and how much I want to share God's love with them.  All these things are going to mean I will have to step out of my comfort zone and be apart of things and be around people I'm not used to.  It's going to require a lot of strength and that I will rely on God for.

This all reminds me of the verse in the Bible that says to do things as if you are doing them for Jesus.  I'm not good at memorizing verses in the Bible so forgive me if I have said that somewhat wrong.

My goal in life is to try and reach the people that God calls, "the least of these".  I dont know yet how or what that means for me yet but I pray that God will just keep filling my heart with love and filling my head with ideas. I also pray he will bring me the people I need to get things organized.

There will be a day when there are no homeless or poor people in the world and that will be when Jesus come back!   AMEN!!!

Making a difference

Every day I have so many thoughts that run through my head.  Most of them have to do with, what can I do to make a difference.  I really truely want to use my life to make a difference.  I want to be one of those people who others talk about because of the amazing things they did in their life.  Not because I want to be in the spotlight or popular, but because I want to be someone who makes a difference in this world for God.  The only spotlight I would want is one that will promote God and glorify him.  To show the world, all his children that are struggling and how any regular person can make a diffence. 

One thing that is close to my heart are the homeless and poor people.  Something I have never been able to comprehend in our time is how we can have soooo much money yet still soo many people with no food or water.  People who can give away millions of dollars but probably have never thought to buy a house for a family that needs one.  How can one person own more than 2 houses and that still not be enough.  The richest people in the world could go to a town or city and just pay for all these houses for homeless people to help get them on their feet so they have a place for their family.

A dream that I have is to build a homeless/poor shelter type of place.  But this place would be a rebuilding place where families can come and we can help them get back on their feet, help them to use their money the right way to take care of their family.  This ministry would then help encourage people and families and show God's love to them but show them that there are still caring people in the world and that they aren't invisible. We would help them get back into their own home but so that they can look back and see that they didn't get handed a bunch of money, but that they themselves worked with their hands and used what God gave them and were able to go from rock bottom where they lost everything to being a back up on top and breathing again.

This has been a dream of mine for a long time and I even have drawings to show how it would all work.  This building would also give them the skills they needed to get back into the workforce and earn money.  It saddens me to see people on the streets.  I know some of them chose that for their life and I pray one day God will reach them and they will overcome where they are.  For now my heart is with the people who didn't choose to be on the streets and have found themselves lost, physically and spiritually.

Right now I feel like I need to take small steps and that for me is the food bank.  This is such an amazing ministry and it's hard to believe that most people know nothing about the food bank.  If you are reading this, take the time to look into your local food bank and become a volunteer.  It's awesome to know that even though you won't be giving food to people and will just be in the shadows, you are making a difference in someone's life.

I want to make a difference and I want to be so bright with God's love that I will blind people.

Excitment and Joy Explosion!!!

Wow, things are going crazy right now in my head!  I feel like Jesus has lit a fire under me and I'm up and running!

I have soo much excitement and Joy and Love for Jesus right now that I feel like I can't sit down.  I have soo many ideas to reach the people who don't know Jesus.  I think I have found a purpose for me right now in my life and I'm excited for what is going to come out of this.  I can see big things in the future and even though I dont know what any of it is, I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Watch out world, here I come!!!!

Jesus, You have my heart!

I woke up this morning feeling like me again!  This is a wonderful feeling as I have felt lost for a while now.  But I feel that God has given me a new outlook on things and he has given me His joy and love and it's hard to contain right now!  I found myself not able to go to sleep last night as ideas just keep flowing through my head and the hardest part is that I don't know what to do with them. Especially at 11:33pm.  People are sleeping and I should be too but instead my brain is going crazy with soo many things and ways to show God's love to the people around me.

Once again, I am excited to see what the future holds and I can't wait to see what Jesus does with me!  I know he has plans for me and sure sometimes it's hard and I feel like make it through and I don't want to wake up and face another day.  But when he brings these feelings back into me, I can't contain myself and I want to sing to the ends of the earth. (interesting that the earth is a circle, so good luck right? hehe)

I am very much a visual learner and it makes it hard for me to do things and be excited about things.  I need to be able to see how things work and what exactly I am supposed to do.  Right now my next step of course is to wait and see what else God shows me.  This is not something I am very good at because when I am excited about something, I like to jump right in and don't really look at how this is actually going to work.  That some people would call a learning experience hehe.

It feels wonderful to be in the place again and my love Jesus is back and I can't wait to grow in him more!

Joy

So I started a new bible study a week ago and last night I learned something new and am sooo completely excited about it!  I'm sure it doens't mean much to most of you but it was something I have read a million times and have never seen!  It's AMAZING!!!

So what I read was in Genesis 1:2  "The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters.  And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters."

So your asking what I saw right?  Well I have always read it as God made the earth from nothing and then last night I finally realized that the earth started with water.  Can you believe that?  I can't!  It changes everything that I have believed.  I mean I still believe in God and Jesus as my Savior but this just makes me look at my beliefs in a different way and in more of an AWE FOR JESUS!!  I always thought that God made water in the first 6 days but it's just not soo.    It's funny how so little can just put me in awe with the bible. 

Anyway, just wanted to share this with you.  I can't wait for more of my bible study next week.

Too much Pruning!

Ok, God, you are pruning a little too much right now hehe.  I'm not a strong person in certain areas and I'm not sure how much more pruning I can take.  Maybe if you slow it down and give me some time in between then I could probably do this. 

Right now I feel like my world is falling apart.  I know some of this has to do with Satan but i'm not sure what or how much.  I know there will eventually be a lesson learned but I would prefer to get that info first so I can prepare for it.  I have spent soo many days crying and my eyes hurt and I don't know how I have any more tears left. 

Growing Pains for Sure!!!

ok, so having a rough day with all this that is going on in my life.  Right now it's hard to see this as God is pruning my branches and that's how I like to look at things but right now it's impossible!

I feel hurt by my church and I feel like just because I chose to speak up that now I am being shushed!  People say that we have been soo peaceful for so long but that is because I finally have decided I can't keep quiet anymore because I dont like the way things are going.  So now i'm roughling feathers and causing people to think and now they say I am dividing leadership and dividing the mops group?

This isnt a dictatorship people!  ugh!!!

Frustration

So God has been growing me in different ways and one way I don't like is by meeting with people to talk about concerns.  It makes me sick to my stomach and no matter how many times he has me do this, it never gets better or easier!  I still feel sick and am exhausted for the rest of the day.

I understand that God has placed people in authority over us for a reason and I agree with and trust in his decisions.  I do what I can to obey the laws of the land and obey God's word the best I can as a human.  I struggle every day but when I stumble I know God is there to pick me and dust me off and help me to try again.  I was never one to get into trouble when I was younger.  It actually scared me when I thought I might get in trouble for something so I just wouldn't do it.

Being an adult, life gets different when it comes to authority and for the most part, I agree and I do my best as humanly possible to obey the laws of the land and of God.  However, I struggle with leadership at my church right now and I honestly don't want to obey them.  They want us to come to them when we have questions and concerns and so when you do, it's like you hit a wall and nobody cares because they are leadership and they make the decisions and they don't have to answer to anyone because they are above you!  I know that was a bit confusing!  So if you don't have to answer to anyone because you are leadership, then why do you have people under to be a part of a ministry?  Why don't you just make your own little community and be your own boss and bring people in who don't like to have a voice and who like to be told what to do!  I don't want to be apart of it because I live in a free country when everyone has a voice!

Part of me is saddened because I view these people as my family and to honest, my earthly family isn't this hurtful!  What does that tell you?  I am now to the point where I want to delete people from my fb page and stay clear from anyone in this ministry.  I feel like I work so hard to help move the ministry forward and yet at the same time, I feel like I'm the only one who cares and is doing this.  Ugh, I am just rambling right now!

I apologize if this doesn't make sense but it does in my head so good luck! hehe

God tells us that we can't trust anyone but Hun and even though I have learned this lesson MANY times, I still put my trust in people and I get my heart broken.  People gossip about you and spread rumors.  These people claim to be your friends and that's not what a friend does.  My only one true friend is God and I need to keep that in the front of my head from now on.

Right now, I'm hurt and frustrated and angry and exhausted and want to cry!  I don't want to trust people in leadership especially at my church and that sounds horrible but right now I feel that way in my heart.  This saddens me to my core and I just don't know what direction to go right now.  It won't do any good to go back to leadership because I have hit that wall too many times now and know it wont' be coming down and there is no ladder in site.  My only option is prayer and hope that something changes in the future.

My life right now!

OK so you may be wondering why I have John 15:2 up at the top.  Well that is my favorite bible verse.  It really defines my life I think.

 "He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more."

So many thing have happened in my life over the past 7 years since I accepted Jesus as my Savior and not matter what it is or what happens, I can always bring it back to this verse.  It seems that every couple years my life makes a sudden stop and I tend to drop everything I do and start fresh.  It really makes me look like a person who starts things and doesn't finish but really, I see it as God is showing me that I am not longer producing fruit with the things I am doing.  So I listen to God and I stop what I'm doing and follow God's lead and turn a different direction.

I'm actually at that point again in my life.  I think for older people you could call it a mid-life crisis but I'm only 28 and I'm not even close to being at the middle point of my life.  I want to live to be 101 at least because my husband and I are planning to celebrate 80 years together so that means we need to each live to be 101.  I knows silly but I think it's romantic!  Anyway, back to my point!  So I am now in the process of weeding through the things in my life that don't belong and are not producing fruit.  This is probably the 2nd time I have done this and it makes me feel like a horrible person because I feel like I let people down.  That is one of my biggest downfalls right there!  I always let other people's feelings and thoughts make my decisions.  I have to keep my focus on God and this time he has been telling me to stop what I'm doing for about 6 months and I have refused to listen to him.  He has brought our family to the bottom just to make us see that we are looking to earthly things for satisfaction instead of looking go God.  So having finally listened to him and looking at the things in my life, I see that I was WAY off track.  I apparently made my own trail and found a dead end and little did I know the right trail was just on the other side of the trees.

So now that I have made the decision to trust in God again, I have a sense of peace about things that I could never explain to anyone.  It's very comforting!  I know I need to follow my heart because God is the one who leads me and is pruning my branches to keep me on the right trail.

Huge stepping stone!

Ok so this is def not something I would normally do, meaning putting my thoughts into words and sharing them.  Some ppl may think I'm a bit crazy!  I am actually excited about it and to see what I can learn from it!  So this will probably be my way of sharing how God is pruning my branches.  Hope you enjoy!