So God has been growing me in different ways and one way I don't like is by meeting with people to talk about concerns. It makes me sick to my stomach and no matter how many times he has me do this, it never gets better or easier! I still feel sick and am exhausted for the rest of the day.
I understand that God has placed people in authority over us for a reason and I agree with and trust in his decisions. I do what I can to obey the laws of the land and obey God's word the best I can as a human. I struggle every day but when I stumble I know God is there to pick me and dust me off and help me to try again. I was never one to get into trouble when I was younger. It actually scared me when I thought I might get in trouble for something so I just wouldn't do it.
Being an adult, life gets different when it comes to authority and for the most part, I agree and I do my best as humanly possible to obey the laws of the land and of God. However, I struggle with leadership at my church right now and I honestly don't want to obey them. They want us to come to them when we have questions and concerns and so when you do, it's like you hit a wall and nobody cares because they are leadership and they make the decisions and they don't have to answer to anyone because they are above you! I know that was a bit confusing! So if you don't have to answer to anyone because you are leadership, then why do you have people under to be a part of a ministry? Why don't you just make your own little community and be your own boss and bring people in who don't like to have a voice and who like to be told what to do! I don't want to be apart of it because I live in a free country when everyone has a voice!
Part of me is saddened because I view these people as my family and to honest, my earthly family isn't this hurtful! What does that tell you? I am now to the point where I want to delete people from my fb page and stay clear from anyone in this ministry. I feel like I work so hard to help move the ministry forward and yet at the same time, I feel like I'm the only one who cares and is doing this. Ugh, I am just rambling right now!
I apologize if this doesn't make sense but it does in my head so good luck! hehe
God tells us that we can't trust anyone but Hun and even though I have learned this lesson MANY times, I still put my trust in people and I get my heart broken. People gossip about you and spread rumors. These people claim to be your friends and that's not what a friend does. My only one true friend is God and I need to keep that in the front of my head from now on.
Right now, I'm hurt and frustrated and angry and exhausted and want to cry! I don't want to trust people in leadership especially at my church and that sounds horrible but right now I feel that way in my heart. This saddens me to my core and I just don't know what direction to go right now. It won't do any good to go back to leadership because I have hit that wall too many times now and know it wont' be coming down and there is no ladder in site. My only option is prayer and hope that something changes in the future.
So God may place people in an authority position, but that doesn't always mean that they use it like they are supposed to. Leadership can easily get to people's heads and they take advantage of it. And we go through trials such that we learn to rely on God and trust Him through every situation. There are many options for you. Don't be closed off to one because it may seem impossible. Maybe God wants this (for some odd reason) but everything will work out in His timing.
ReplyDeleteOkay and here is some stuff from Crazy Love that I have to share (since I have your book).
ReplyDelete"I think most American churchgoers are the soil that chokes the seed because of all the thorns [from the parable of the sower]. Thorns are anything that distracts us from God. When we want God and a bunch of other stuff, then that means we have thorns in our soil. A relationship with God simply cannot grow when money, sins, activities, favorite sports teams, addictions, or commitments are piled on top of it."
"Has your relationship with God changed the way you live? Do you see evidence of God's kingdom in your life? Or are you choking it out slowly by spending too much time, energy, money, and thought of things of this world?"
"LUKEWARM PEOPLE tend to choose what is popular over what is right when they are in conflict...they care more about what people think of their actions than what God thinks of their hearts and lives."
So I don't really know the people at your church, but the 'Church' as a whole in America is nowhere where it needs to be. People care too much about being called a 'Christian' rather than living out the Christian lifestyle. The rumors, the lies, actions towards you, you do not deserve, and if these people (even leadership) if they truly cared about serving God they would not act this way. They are abusing their position and their relationship/friendship with you.
Okay i'm done.. for now ;)