So my family is doing a biggest loser competition and there are about 18 of us. I was soo excited for us to all do this together and I still am.
I find myself reaching a point where I am soo completely excited and pumped but then I don't do anything. I want soo much to lose the weight that I have gained since I got married but until I can see myself as a person who deserves to be healthy, I don't think it's going to happen.
I have never been one to finish things in my life. I have been in modeling but quit that and told my parents I was bored. Not true at all! I missed a class and I had to make it up by going to another class with people I didn't know. I was soo scared that I decided it was easier to just not go anymore. I played the trumpet in 6th grade and had soo much fun! My mom and her husband at the time decided to move us once again and I decided not to play the trumpet anymore because I was gonna have to play with people I didn't know. Again, I was afraid of what people would think of me and then gave up. I ran for class secretary my senior year and so I wrote a speech but of course it wasn't me and it was just enough to hopefully have a chance at winning. Had I wrote from my heart, I could have won but I was soo afraid of writing the speech that I gave up once again.
I have such a fear of failing that I always fail! How do I get over this? How do I make myself see that I am worth fighting for? I struggle with this everyday. Everyday I get up and decide I am going to work hard and then one thing doesn't work for me and I give up!
I know that this isn't how God made me! I know he doesn't see me as a failure. He loves me the same today as he did yesterday. He loves me the same as he did when I was in 3rd grade and gave up on modeling.
I want so bad to be pretty. I don't feel pretty and the only time I ever felt beautiful was on my wedding day. How do I get back to that point again? I always seem to find something as an excuse and I don't know how to move past this.
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